There is a dirt road not far from our home that our older son refers to as "the fun road" home. The main reason being that there is a huge dip in the road that when taken at just the right speed can have the same effect on the stomach as a good hill does on a roller-coaster. Jericho, who is 11, absolutely loves this road, loves the anticipation of getting near that hill, and giggles in glee when we glide down it and our stomachs go all topsy-turvy. Our toddler is usually not paying attention to the terrain, and so it doesn't affect him until he feels that tilt downward at the infamous dip and immediately braces his little arms on the edges of his car seat, his eyes widening in wonder for the duration, not sure what to make of the experience.
That road is a little bit out of the way on our usual treks to and from our home and so I don't take it very often, and in fact, my son informs me that daddy takes it much faster than I do. I am admittedly more cautious about things than he is speed wise, easing up (instead of speeding up) a bit before that big hill because I dislike that blind moment when the car leaves the upper road, tipping suddenly to descend down that woop-de-doo and the road disappears from the front window for a couple of moments. My concerns are always mom types of concerns. What if a dog were to dash out in front of me? Or a child on a bike? Or what if we were to lose control of the car all of a sudden? My husband doesn't seem to worry at all, and in fact makes a real adventure out of it, even taking our sons friends over that road when they go to pick them up for play days. But somehow, when we're all in the car together, I usually find it tolerable, especially when Jeff is at the wheel. I can close my eyes if the feeling of falling gets to be too much for me.
What I find interesting about this illustration is that several people can be on the exact same road together, experiencing the exact same things collectively, and yet are all affected in entirely different ways. Each person comes from a different set of circumstances that can affect how they will handle the experience. Some may find the experience terrifying, some may find it a thrill. Some may find it tolerable, and some may dread it. Some are largely unaffected. And when it's all over, each person will come out of it with their own unique perspective.
When I was a teenager, my parents went through a painful divorce. My three siblings and I lived under the same roof and went through everything together, experienced many of the same emotions, and although we have this common bond of having been through the events all at one time, we all came out of that situation with entirely different perspectives, were affected in different ways resulting in different sets of hurts that would take years to heal. I believe there were several reasons for this. First, we were all different ages with different things going on in our lives. We each had different sets of needs because of being at different ages and stages in our individual walks with the Lord. We also each had unique ways of handling what we were going through. Different support systems in place. Some handled different portions of that ordeal better than others, and the healing process has seemingly taken longer for some than for others. I am happy to say that now, finally (21 years later) I think most of us have finally reached the point where we've almost all come out on the other side of things victoriously (thanks to the Lord's work in each of our lives), having forgiven and moved on.
My sister's recent wedding sort of cemented this for me. Our parent's were once again in the same place again at the same time (though with a stepfather and a half-sister there) and everything was just fine. It was like there were no longer any hard feelings. I was absolutely amazed at how it all went. While my parents probably still felt some residual awkwardness, it was great to finally be at that place again after all these many years, where we were all on good terms, and had picked up and moved forward, not continually 'beating the dead horses' of old resentments and bitterness. Those things are gone, now.
On the long drive home from that wedding while the kids were sleeping in the back seat, I spent time contemplating all of this. While my parents (both of which have long since remarried), will never again be in the same car (as in married, or being 'one'), being Christians, we're all at least in cars heading the same direction. And for that I am deeply thankful to the Lord. I well remember (and this is entirely different from dredging up or dwelling on the bad things in the past) the early years before and after the divorce, when the tension and strife were so bad it didn't seem like there would every be any 'other side' of that storm in our collective family life. God truly worked a miracle there, and has been actively working to restore the years the locusts had eaten and bring beauty from ashes.
The woop-de-doo road I mentioned earlier is also a good illustration for Marriage. There are enough variables to make life pretty interesting at times even when a couple is in one accord and 'on the same road' together in life as one. While the husband and wife might view the highs and lows of that road through entirely different glasses, by virtue of being on the same road together, they can help each other to better handle those woop-de-doos that come up from time to time. Sometimes, one spouse can give the other a helpful or encouraging word, or a needed pep-talk to help them to face some upcoming dip in the road that they might be worried or fearful about (medical tests, dental appointments, relational issues with others, job interviews, etc.), or by injecting a little levity or fun into a rather dull stretch of road when necessary. Sometimes it's necessary to just get seatbelted into the car and go, even when you really don't feel like the trip. When the couple is together on that road of life, in one accord (and I don't necessarily mean a Honda, though that may apply to some...) with good communication and the Lord leading them, they can usually handle just about anything that comes their way, keeping the vehicle pointed in the right direction for marital harmony.
But if one person were to suddenly go off maverick-style and begin making decisions on their own without their spouse's knowledge, or against the spouses better judgement, they are no longer in one accord. It's like they are suddenly in two different cars, choosing their own routes on the road.
If, for instance, the husband went out and bought a new boat or spent the entire tax return on an expensive stereo system instead of applying it to their joint debt as previously agreed upon, it's rather like that husband stepped out of accord with his wife, got into his own car, and was now doing his own thing. This works against their team, and is a very costly way of life. Taking two cars and trying to find their own way home is a waste of gas and wear and tear on the vehicles. It becomes more difficult to communicate between them, and to come to mutual agreements on important matters, because you aren't in one accord any longer. Communication suffers. Feelings are deeply hurt. Trust is broken. The marriage is vulnerable to fracture.
For a while, the maverick spouse might feel like everything is smooth sailing. But eventually, they will have to climb back up some very big hills to get back to where they should be. If they do so at all. Often, these maverick decisions get a couple so far from home that finding their way back to where they are supposed to be is almost insurmountable (though the Lord can guide them back if both are willing).
Sometimes, the maverick spouse may do something so contrary that they not only step out of the vehicle, but take off in a totally different direction than they should. Some never return home at all. As in the case of marital infidelity. In such cases, all are adversely affected. When a husband or wife 'bails' from a marriage, they are, in effect, leaving the car without a driver having 'handicapped' their spouse, leaving the spouse (and any children) on a very treacherous road. The children and remaining spouse are suddenly subject to all kinds of danger and evil because the maverick spouse made poor decisions. (There are also occasions where one spouse may be forced to make the difficult decision to step out of accord with a spouse that has taken they or their children down a perilous road that is wrought with danger, as in cases of abuse.)
Some maverick decisions so break faith with their spouse (leaving the remaining spouse and the children feeling betrayed, abandoned, forsaken, cut loose or set adrift with no real anchor in life). This is particularly true when a husband or wife becomes addicted to drugs or alcohol, cheats on their spouse, abandons their family by walking away from responsibility, or commits suicide. It is the utmost in selfishness, for a spouse or parent to take the 'easy' way out. Because it's really not really a way out, though it may seem easy for a time. It leaves everyone else that was in your 'car' with you (spouse and children) to pick up the pieces in the aftermath. It's like a car wreck, really, with the injuries sustained requiring hospitalization, and perhaps even intensive care for some.
But it's also like leaving one's family in a broken-down car on the side of the road in a dangerous part of town to fend for themselves. Their family is left wide open to the dangers of those that would come along with intent to harm or take advantage of them in their vulnerability. It leaves the remaining spouse with a burden of responsibility that should never have to be borne alone. It often causes those left behind to become distrusting of others, and to lose hope of ever finding true or lasting love. It can disillusion some to the point where they question their faith. Many of those left behind will feel lasting resentment against the spouse or parent that abandoned them. Some will withdraw or rebel. It then becomes a battle to survive on that road of life, often with the remaining parent feeling like they have to beg their children to get back in the car. Many also have a hard time trusting in the Lord after a set-back like this in their lives.
Thankfully, the Lord can be like a Police Officer responding when we call to Him for help. He swoops in to assist, bringing paremedics if need be, and assists in getting folks safely back on the road again, then goes the distance with us from then on. We're not always removed from the danger completely, but can be assured that He is there to get us through it, and to lead us through that bad area, up and down the hills, to a better place.
I suppose, as with any illustration not found in scripture, this one has holes. But the thought behind it all is that we do need to stay in one accord with our spouses, working together to navigate over the woop-de-doos that crop up in our lives. We also have to be careful not to let the children get out of control while we're on the road, or become such a focus that our eyes aren't on the road ahead.
Sometimes the children might even try and commandeer the driver's seat, assuming control, and that can be especially dangerous. They are like brand new drivers, need instruction and training, and to know what is expected of them both by you (and the Lord, our ultimate Authority) and the law. Eventually, they will see for themselves the value of being on the right road. They'll begin to obey, and when the time is right, will learn to drive responsibly on their own, capable of handling the woop-de-doos of life. Eventually, they will get out of your car, because they will have their own, caravanning along on that same road to our much greater destination.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
Where it concerns you, be at peace with all men
There has been a big ruckus in our community recently over neighborhood problems between two parties that got way out of hand. As far as I've been able to gather from the reports in the paper, the problem boiled down to two original parties that just couldn't seem to work out their differences in a rational manner. Tensions were already high in that area due to gang issues so when these and other non-related complaints entered into the equation, it only added fuel to the fire and escalated to the point where there were threats, a fight and a drive by shooting. When all was said and done, the original quarrel between two parties had expanded to include lots of other people that were apparently just spoiling for a fight, a few passersby and neighbors, and ended with gunfire. The shooter has since been arrested, but local police are involved, trying to get to the bottom of conflicting stories. Because the original two parties are of different races, there are a lot of things to sort through. The whole situation is pretty ugly.
The area this occurred in was until just a few years ago considered a very desirable established neighborhood complete with good schools, a nice park with a playground, basketball courts and athletic fields for little league and soccer games, and bike trails with lots of mature, beautiful landscaping. It made for a pretty drive when passing through that area of town. In recent years, however, local authorities have had to respond to numerous incidents there due to a spike in gang-related violence and activity which was ultimately responsible for a murder at the basketball court in the park. This led to the city removing the basketball courts in that park in an effort to keep the riff-raff away. While it did seem to curb some of the problems at the park, many families living in that area now feel unsafe taking their children to play at the park, becuase they often get harrassed by local thugs. Instead, they've began holing up in their homes living in fear of things like drive-by shootings and their children being singled out for retaliation at school if they as parents stand up and say something. One person from the area commented that it's like living under seige.
The increase in crime there seems to be in direct proportion to the increase in 'problem' rentals in the area. Homes owned by absentee landlords that are rented out to whoever they can get in there to get their rent payments. Homes in this formerly desirable neighborhood began to depreciate in value when the problem renters began moving in, with lawns being let go and homes and fences falling into disrepair.
A police officer we met a while back told us that most altercations he's called out for in some way or another involve 'problem rentals'. Rentals with a high turnover rate. With new family groups moving in and out every few months. Often those renting these homes are either struggling single parent households, welfare families on Section 8 housing subsidies, folks that moved to the area to be closer to the prisons (where family loved ones are incarcerated), or folks that can't really afford the rent, but know how to work the system. If the case of the latter, the renters usually pay the deposit and first months rent, then begin slipping on their payments until frustrated landlords begin the process of eviction. These people will then stay on until just before they are evicted, the entire process giving them 5 or 6 months in a nice home for roughly 1/3 the rate that was originally asked of them. In many of those cases, the landlords don't even sue out of fear of retaliation on their rental home investment, and the fact that legal fees would usually cost more than the unpaid rent. Often, the evictees will leave under cover of darkness just prior to when they would be forcibly removed, and out of spite will often trash the home before leaving, as though it's the owner's fault that they couldn't pay their rent! It's appalling.
That is kind of the state of things as far as problem rentals are concerned. Though we live across town from the above community, we've seen the same thing happen in our development as well, and it's less than two years old. One house on our block has had two renters in less than a year. The first family at least had the decency to clean the place out completely, including tubs and toilets, and to leave it good shape when they left. The second family, however, moved out leaving a bunch of trash and garbage all over the place, including 5 months worth of accumulated dog poop from six dogs they kept in their small backyard. The stench was horrible. The owner actually had to hire people to come in and clean up the yard, then to repair the inside of the home. It took them 3 weeks to set the place to rights again. Among other things, they told us they had to replace a horribly pet stained living room carpet and to replace marble counter tops in the kitchen which they believe were broken by a sledgehammer. And this house was not even two years old!
Getting back to my opening story, the two main parties involved in the altercation were a homeowner and a problem renter. The homeowner, who had a vested interest in the neighborhood, was tired of all the problems brought into it with the problem renters. Kids running wild, loud music blaring from car and home stereos all ours of the day and night, and the riff-raff making it unsafe for he and his family to go out in their own front yard. The crime and other problems increasing around him. Add to this watching the value of his home being driven down to the point where even if he could sell his home to get out, he'd never get back all he put into it.
I can understand this man's frustration. Most folks biggest investment is their home, and it would be very disheartening to move to a desirable area, only to have the area begin to rapidly fall into disrepair by renters that don't take the same pride in their home that you do. Add to this, the neighborhood they once felt safe in now feels almost as though they are living under seige because gang and drug activity had moved in. It is unjust. Hardworking, law-abiding folks suffer because those that would not otherwise be able to even afford to live in such neighborhoods now can, thanks to section 8 housing and absentee landlords, often bringing trouble with them, and then drive down the value of the homes in the area because they don't have a vested interest in keeping things in the area nice.
Programs like Neighborhood Watch do have their place. Back in the 70's and 80's when I was a kid, however, they weren't much needed. I believe there were a couple of reasons for this. Neighbors stayed put for years back then, and everyone got to know everyone else, in the kind of relationships where folks borrowed a cup of sugar or tools from time to time. Usually there were one or two eagle-eyed neighbors that kept track of everything going on in the neighborhood, and would let you know if something suspicious were happening. And if there were problems with some new family that had moved into the neighborhood, it was handled by the people in the neighborhood through peaceable, neighborly chats. Back then, involving law enforcement was rare and scandalous enough that most folks didn't dare let their kids run wild or do anything else that would risk their becoming known as 'trouble' because a police car showed up outside their home. This served as kind of a positive peer-pressure. The new folks generally kept their noses clean because they didn't want to make enemies of their neighbors. Neighbors also kept their eye on each other's homes while families were on vacation, and sometimes even had spare keys in case they got locked out. All these things knit neighbors together with a sense of interdependency and community, and often neighbors were also very good friends.
These days, however, the dynamic of neighborhoods has changed somewhat. Due to high rates of divorce, the economy, job transfers and other factors, it seems folks just aren't staying in one place for more than a few years. But even when people do live in their neighborhoods for years, they often go without ever even getting to know the people across the street or next door. Many neighbors don't even talk to each other anymore. Our society has gotten rather reclusive, with many folks preferring to keep to themselves, holing up in homes filled with their preferred forms of entertainment.
Most problems like the one I opened this posting with could be solved if folks really got to know each other, were friendly, and settled all matters politely between themselves. These days, however, everyone either allows their temper to flare, a mountain being made of a molehill, or completely skirt the wisdom of Matthew 18, and go straight for the top by involving law enforcement, when most problems could be diffused by folks just talking things out in a calm, rational manner. More enemies than friends are made by taking things straight to the top instead of at least trying to resolve it between yourselves first.
The answer to such problems is not more Neighborhood Watch type programs or more police. It's in more people policing themselves. Taking care of things on their end. Holding themselves and their children to high standards of common decency as neighbors and members of a community. Keeping their own 'business' tended to. Their own property maintained (owned or rental), their own kids kept in line, their own tempers kept in check. These things along with respecting and even looking out for each other's property, observing common quiet hours, and just being polite and kind to each other go a long way towards a peaceful coexistence in any neighborhood or community.
The Bible is full of wisdom about living peaceably with all men. Trying to settle things person to person first, then bringing witnesses and then, as a last resort, getting higher authorities involved. These aren't just meaningless things put in the Bible as filler. Our Lord, the maker of heaven and earth and the very giver of life knows better than anyone else what works best when it comes to living at peace with our fellow man, because He created the system. Sometimes it seems a little bit upside down and backwards when we first look at it. What? I'm supposed to love my neighbors? Love my enemies? Do good to them that persecute me?! It's when you really examine it that you begin to see the deep wisdom behind it all. Diffusing a matter rather than allowing it to escalate. Actively working to maintain peace rather than contributing to chaos. Honesty instead of lies, kindness instead of hate or anger...all of these things are wise ways of handling situations we find ourselves faced with, and if held to by even a few would begin to make a vital difference in a community.
As believers, our very witness will be adversely effected by how we handle difficulties between neighbors. Hebrews 12:14 says, Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. Neighbors can include folks you bump into in the store or the gym. The people living next door. Those you work with in the workplace. Those in your social circle. Your church family. And let's not forget those in our own homes! Is the Holiness in my own walk with the Lord so prevalent that it oozes out and others see it and consequently lives are changed? Because that's what we should be aiming for here...Letting our light so shine before men that they see our good deeds and glorify our Father which is in Heaven (Matthew 5:16).
Everyone should ask of themselves, "Am I striving for peace instead of contributing to discord?"
For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. (James 3:16-18)
The area this occurred in was until just a few years ago considered a very desirable established neighborhood complete with good schools, a nice park with a playground, basketball courts and athletic fields for little league and soccer games, and bike trails with lots of mature, beautiful landscaping. It made for a pretty drive when passing through that area of town. In recent years, however, local authorities have had to respond to numerous incidents there due to a spike in gang-related violence and activity which was ultimately responsible for a murder at the basketball court in the park. This led to the city removing the basketball courts in that park in an effort to keep the riff-raff away. While it did seem to curb some of the problems at the park, many families living in that area now feel unsafe taking their children to play at the park, becuase they often get harrassed by local thugs. Instead, they've began holing up in their homes living in fear of things like drive-by shootings and their children being singled out for retaliation at school if they as parents stand up and say something. One person from the area commented that it's like living under seige.
The increase in crime there seems to be in direct proportion to the increase in 'problem' rentals in the area. Homes owned by absentee landlords that are rented out to whoever they can get in there to get their rent payments. Homes in this formerly desirable neighborhood began to depreciate in value when the problem renters began moving in, with lawns being let go and homes and fences falling into disrepair.
A police officer we met a while back told us that most altercations he's called out for in some way or another involve 'problem rentals'. Rentals with a high turnover rate. With new family groups moving in and out every few months. Often those renting these homes are either struggling single parent households, welfare families on Section 8 housing subsidies, folks that moved to the area to be closer to the prisons (where family loved ones are incarcerated), or folks that can't really afford the rent, but know how to work the system. If the case of the latter, the renters usually pay the deposit and first months rent, then begin slipping on their payments until frustrated landlords begin the process of eviction. These people will then stay on until just before they are evicted, the entire process giving them 5 or 6 months in a nice home for roughly 1/3 the rate that was originally asked of them. In many of those cases, the landlords don't even sue out of fear of retaliation on their rental home investment, and the fact that legal fees would usually cost more than the unpaid rent. Often, the evictees will leave under cover of darkness just prior to when they would be forcibly removed, and out of spite will often trash the home before leaving, as though it's the owner's fault that they couldn't pay their rent! It's appalling.
That is kind of the state of things as far as problem rentals are concerned. Though we live across town from the above community, we've seen the same thing happen in our development as well, and it's less than two years old. One house on our block has had two renters in less than a year. The first family at least had the decency to clean the place out completely, including tubs and toilets, and to leave it good shape when they left. The second family, however, moved out leaving a bunch of trash and garbage all over the place, including 5 months worth of accumulated dog poop from six dogs they kept in their small backyard. The stench was horrible. The owner actually had to hire people to come in and clean up the yard, then to repair the inside of the home. It took them 3 weeks to set the place to rights again. Among other things, they told us they had to replace a horribly pet stained living room carpet and to replace marble counter tops in the kitchen which they believe were broken by a sledgehammer. And this house was not even two years old!
Getting back to my opening story, the two main parties involved in the altercation were a homeowner and a problem renter. The homeowner, who had a vested interest in the neighborhood, was tired of all the problems brought into it with the problem renters. Kids running wild, loud music blaring from car and home stereos all ours of the day and night, and the riff-raff making it unsafe for he and his family to go out in their own front yard. The crime and other problems increasing around him. Add to this watching the value of his home being driven down to the point where even if he could sell his home to get out, he'd never get back all he put into it.
I can understand this man's frustration. Most folks biggest investment is their home, and it would be very disheartening to move to a desirable area, only to have the area begin to rapidly fall into disrepair by renters that don't take the same pride in their home that you do. Add to this, the neighborhood they once felt safe in now feels almost as though they are living under seige because gang and drug activity had moved in. It is unjust. Hardworking, law-abiding folks suffer because those that would not otherwise be able to even afford to live in such neighborhoods now can, thanks to section 8 housing and absentee landlords, often bringing trouble with them, and then drive down the value of the homes in the area because they don't have a vested interest in keeping things in the area nice.
Programs like Neighborhood Watch do have their place. Back in the 70's and 80's when I was a kid, however, they weren't much needed. I believe there were a couple of reasons for this. Neighbors stayed put for years back then, and everyone got to know everyone else, in the kind of relationships where folks borrowed a cup of sugar or tools from time to time. Usually there were one or two eagle-eyed neighbors that kept track of everything going on in the neighborhood, and would let you know if something suspicious were happening. And if there were problems with some new family that had moved into the neighborhood, it was handled by the people in the neighborhood through peaceable, neighborly chats. Back then, involving law enforcement was rare and scandalous enough that most folks didn't dare let their kids run wild or do anything else that would risk their becoming known as 'trouble' because a police car showed up outside their home. This served as kind of a positive peer-pressure. The new folks generally kept their noses clean because they didn't want to make enemies of their neighbors. Neighbors also kept their eye on each other's homes while families were on vacation, and sometimes even had spare keys in case they got locked out. All these things knit neighbors together with a sense of interdependency and community, and often neighbors were also very good friends.
These days, however, the dynamic of neighborhoods has changed somewhat. Due to high rates of divorce, the economy, job transfers and other factors, it seems folks just aren't staying in one place for more than a few years. But even when people do live in their neighborhoods for years, they often go without ever even getting to know the people across the street or next door. Many neighbors don't even talk to each other anymore. Our society has gotten rather reclusive, with many folks preferring to keep to themselves, holing up in homes filled with their preferred forms of entertainment.
Most problems like the one I opened this posting with could be solved if folks really got to know each other, were friendly, and settled all matters politely between themselves. These days, however, everyone either allows their temper to flare, a mountain being made of a molehill, or completely skirt the wisdom of Matthew 18, and go straight for the top by involving law enforcement, when most problems could be diffused by folks just talking things out in a calm, rational manner. More enemies than friends are made by taking things straight to the top instead of at least trying to resolve it between yourselves first.
The answer to such problems is not more Neighborhood Watch type programs or more police. It's in more people policing themselves. Taking care of things on their end. Holding themselves and their children to high standards of common decency as neighbors and members of a community. Keeping their own 'business' tended to. Their own property maintained (owned or rental), their own kids kept in line, their own tempers kept in check. These things along with respecting and even looking out for each other's property, observing common quiet hours, and just being polite and kind to each other go a long way towards a peaceful coexistence in any neighborhood or community.
The Bible is full of wisdom about living peaceably with all men. Trying to settle things person to person first, then bringing witnesses and then, as a last resort, getting higher authorities involved. These aren't just meaningless things put in the Bible as filler. Our Lord, the maker of heaven and earth and the very giver of life knows better than anyone else what works best when it comes to living at peace with our fellow man, because He created the system. Sometimes it seems a little bit upside down and backwards when we first look at it. What? I'm supposed to love my neighbors? Love my enemies? Do good to them that persecute me?! It's when you really examine it that you begin to see the deep wisdom behind it all. Diffusing a matter rather than allowing it to escalate. Actively working to maintain peace rather than contributing to chaos. Honesty instead of lies, kindness instead of hate or anger...all of these things are wise ways of handling situations we find ourselves faced with, and if held to by even a few would begin to make a vital difference in a community.
As believers, our very witness will be adversely effected by how we handle difficulties between neighbors. Hebrews 12:14 says, Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. Neighbors can include folks you bump into in the store or the gym. The people living next door. Those you work with in the workplace. Those in your social circle. Your church family. And let's not forget those in our own homes! Is the Holiness in my own walk with the Lord so prevalent that it oozes out and others see it and consequently lives are changed? Because that's what we should be aiming for here...Letting our light so shine before men that they see our good deeds and glorify our Father which is in Heaven (Matthew 5:16).
Everyone should ask of themselves, "Am I striving for peace instead of contributing to discord?"
For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. (James 3:16-18)
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Thinking about Grandma
My beloved grandmother died a little over a year ago at 92 years old. I still miss her like crazy. So often I'll think of some little thing she would have taken delight in, especially with all of our toddler's recent antics, and find myself reaching for the phone...only to remember she's not here anymore to share those things with. With time, it's gotten easier not to cry at just the mention of her name. In fact, I'm able to talk with others about her with no tears whatsoever now, not because I've forgotten her, but more because I know where she is, and I just have this sense of peace and contentment about her knowing she's in heaven. I also have this deep gratefulness to the Lord for having allowed me to be a part of that woman's life. For the numerous things she taught me over the years, especially that deep, abiding love for our Lord. She was probably the single biggest influence in my early life, because...well, because she was grandma. And a wonderful one at that. The best in the world, if you ask my siblings or I. And numerous other cousins and extended family. She really was an amazing woman, and left a remarkable legacy of faith.
Tonight at dinner, my son asked out of the blue what had become of GG's old apartment at her retirement place. I could suddenly picture her there in that cozy little place where she lived those last few years, her eyes lighting up when we came to visit her from two States away, and finding out from friends that were visiting her apartment just then that she'd been anticipating our visit for weeks. I felt such a longing to see her again that tears choked my throat and my chest grew tight instantly. Then I thought about how someone else was probably living in that apartment now, and we probably wouldn't know it if we saw it, and told my son just that. It made me want to cry for missing her.
But then, I think about where she is now. What she is experiencing in the presence of the Lord she was so longing to see. How she'd been faithful in ministry with the folks in her retirement home up until the day she left this old world for her eternal home. I think about the mansion I will visit her in one day. How I hope to see again that warm sweet expression she always got when we came in the door to her house. That delight, that love just shining out of her eyes. I thought about how she loved to hear about everything that had happened since last time we spoke, and loved hearing all the cute kid stories, even if she'd already heard them before. How she called all the babies 'lover' or 'precious' in this cute and affectionate little way that was unique to her, and just couldn't seem to get enough of seeing and holding them.
I thought about how most of what I know and understand about the Lord and His Word can be traced back to her somehow, either by directly instilling it in us, or by affirming what we'd been taught at home. Many long talks even as a young child come to memory, where she would gently guide my little heart towards the Lord and His way of seeing things. How she taught all us kids the 23rd Psalm and the Lord's Prayer when we would stay over with her on school breaks and for weeks during the summer. How she had such a gentle way of advising us about what God's word had to say on something that we didn't even realize she was preaching to us...or perhaps she wasn't. Perhaps it was more a case of her just being such a willing vessel, that she could be used of the Lord to say even the hardest things to us, and it would get through.
So many things we learned at her table, under her tutelage. Spiritual insights, and just practical skills for this life like sewing, looking things up in dictionaries (when we played Scrabble with her), gardening, plant identification in the woods. I remember picking berries, apples, pears and strawberries with her countless times, often 'putting up' batches of jams and jellies in her little kitchen at the old homestead. Or making fruit leather in her dehydrator. Making forts in her Rhododendron bush. Climbing the trees in her yard.
The love and care she put into everything she did with us or for us was so prevalent, even though her cooking never did taste that great, just sharing her company made you feel warm and well cared for anyway. Her baking and her hot breakfasts were another story. She made the best pancakes. Usually served with Postum or tea, and lots of homemade jam for the pancakes. I think about the cross country road trip she and I took when I moved away for a year before college. How she was there for me for so many pivotal parts of my life, always ready to listen, pray or rejoice at all the appropriate moments. How I was truly blessed to still have her in my life in my 30's. How happy I am that she got to see our youngest son as a baby before she left. How little old men still proposed to her in her old age because she was just so nice to everyone, and they thought they'd been singled out.
I will always think of my grandma with a smile. There may a few tears mixed in, but always I will think of her and all the love she poured out into the lives of those around her, and I will always be thankful I was one of those she loved. I will always think back to all that she taught me, because so often, she got it right! I also hope to one day be the same type of grandmother to my grandchildren, and to live the kind of life for the Lord that leaves such a lasting legacy as Grandma's did.
Love you always, Grams.
Becky
Tonight at dinner, my son asked out of the blue what had become of GG's old apartment at her retirement place. I could suddenly picture her there in that cozy little place where she lived those last few years, her eyes lighting up when we came to visit her from two States away, and finding out from friends that were visiting her apartment just then that she'd been anticipating our visit for weeks. I felt such a longing to see her again that tears choked my throat and my chest grew tight instantly. Then I thought about how someone else was probably living in that apartment now, and we probably wouldn't know it if we saw it, and told my son just that. It made me want to cry for missing her.
But then, I think about where she is now. What she is experiencing in the presence of the Lord she was so longing to see. How she'd been faithful in ministry with the folks in her retirement home up until the day she left this old world for her eternal home. I think about the mansion I will visit her in one day. How I hope to see again that warm sweet expression she always got when we came in the door to her house. That delight, that love just shining out of her eyes. I thought about how she loved to hear about everything that had happened since last time we spoke, and loved hearing all the cute kid stories, even if she'd already heard them before. How she called all the babies 'lover' or 'precious' in this cute and affectionate little way that was unique to her, and just couldn't seem to get enough of seeing and holding them.
I thought about how most of what I know and understand about the Lord and His Word can be traced back to her somehow, either by directly instilling it in us, or by affirming what we'd been taught at home. Many long talks even as a young child come to memory, where she would gently guide my little heart towards the Lord and His way of seeing things. How she taught all us kids the 23rd Psalm and the Lord's Prayer when we would stay over with her on school breaks and for weeks during the summer. How she had such a gentle way of advising us about what God's word had to say on something that we didn't even realize she was preaching to us...or perhaps she wasn't. Perhaps it was more a case of her just being such a willing vessel, that she could be used of the Lord to say even the hardest things to us, and it would get through.
So many things we learned at her table, under her tutelage. Spiritual insights, and just practical skills for this life like sewing, looking things up in dictionaries (when we played Scrabble with her), gardening, plant identification in the woods. I remember picking berries, apples, pears and strawberries with her countless times, often 'putting up' batches of jams and jellies in her little kitchen at the old homestead. Or making fruit leather in her dehydrator. Making forts in her Rhododendron bush. Climbing the trees in her yard.
The love and care she put into everything she did with us or for us was so prevalent, even though her cooking never did taste that great, just sharing her company made you feel warm and well cared for anyway. Her baking and her hot breakfasts were another story. She made the best pancakes. Usually served with Postum or tea, and lots of homemade jam for the pancakes. I think about the cross country road trip she and I took when I moved away for a year before college. How she was there for me for so many pivotal parts of my life, always ready to listen, pray or rejoice at all the appropriate moments. How I was truly blessed to still have her in my life in my 30's. How happy I am that she got to see our youngest son as a baby before she left. How little old men still proposed to her in her old age because she was just so nice to everyone, and they thought they'd been singled out.
I will always think of my grandma with a smile. There may a few tears mixed in, but always I will think of her and all the love she poured out into the lives of those around her, and I will always be thankful I was one of those she loved. I will always think back to all that she taught me, because so often, she got it right! I also hope to one day be the same type of grandmother to my grandchildren, and to live the kind of life for the Lord that leaves such a lasting legacy as Grandma's did.
Love you always, Grams.
Becky
:: ::
The topmost picture of grandma was one taken while I was driving (yeah, scary, huh?) on a long road trip, just me and my grandma. We were somewhere in Montana at the time, and it was hot outside. I was actually moving (by car) from Washington to Minnesota not long after Graduation from High School. Grandma offered to ride over there with me, and inisted we put a man's fishing hat in the back window "So we'll look like we have a fella riding with us". We listened to Christian music and the Bible on Cassette on the drive over and stopped to see a few sights. I took that particular picture while driving, because she'd borrowed my neon pink sunglasses. The trip was one of the most memorable times I ever had with her. Good memories, good memories.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Entertain Me
The other day when I dropped by our local Barnes & Noble bookstore I noticed a huge crowd of people lined up outside, cordoned off to a specific area of the sidewalk outside so as not to interrupt traffic flow into the store. Some appeared to have been camping out there for some time, perhaps even overnight if the large coolers they were resting their feet on were any indication. Some were standing and stretching, some were laying on beach towels in swimming suits at their spot in line, but most had brought lawn chairs and umbrellas so their wait would be comfortable. As comfortable as it could be in 110 degree heat at noon, that is. What, I wondered, was so important that folks were willing to give up hours of their time in this heat to wait in line to wait for it?
Turns out it was for the final installment of the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling.
Okay, so one time we did something sort of like this. It was to get our son into Kindergarten at the same school that his cousins were attending, and only because I babysat these cousins full-time and it would have been a logistics nightmare for me to have to pick up different kids from different schools and have them all on different breaks at different times if they weren't at the same school. It was necessary if I was to maintain my sanity.
But this line at Barnes & Noble really blew me away. It just seemed wrong, somehow. All these people, some young, some old, waiting in line under the blistering hot summer sun for hours on end...all for a book?
Not long ago, the same thing also happened at our local WalMart while I was shopping for clothes. Only this time it was in the evening. A long line assembled outside and wrapped all the way around the store. I was trying something on when I heard heard a ruckus over an employees radio just outside the dressing room. The cops and paramedics had been called to the scene as a fight had apparently broken out over a place in line, and someone had been hurt in the scuffle. What were those people waiting for? The XBox360 Game System. Was it really so important to be the first on the block to have or use the game system, or to play the games?
You might remember the Cabbage Patch Craze in the 80's, which caused some poor woman to get trampled and her leg broken. Or the soccer game crush down in Latin America somewhere that ended up resulting in the trampling deaths of 11 people during the mad rush to be the first inside for a championship game. Was the game really worth losing 11 lives over? I hardly think so!
What spawns such a 'craze' anyway?
I tend to think that much of it has to do with putting ourselves first. Being the one to get the best seat, or to have or own or play it first. As a kid, I really wanted a Rubik's Cube for that reason, but we certainly never waited in any lines to get it. My parents never would have gone for that. They wouldn't even cough up the money for it during the craze. In fact, I had to wait until the following Christmas to finally get one of my own, and by then everyone I knew had already 'solved' them and thrown them in a closet somewhere. But that's just the way it was with most things for us. My parents had four children to raise, and we lived on one income during most of my childhood. "We're not made of money!" and "Money doesn't grow on trees!" were comments I heard often in those days. We usually played with all the cool new toys at our friends houses long before our parents got around to buying them, if they ever did. I never did get the Barbie with bendable knees and a tan-line. And you know what? I survived. My psyche isn't irreparably damaged.
It seems there are crazes occuring with more and more regularity these days. I'm amazed by the masses of people that rush to purchase these things. Things that most families from my generation would have been hard-pressed to come up with the money for. Most game systems cost the equivalent of a car payement, or at the very least, a couple of week's worth of groceries. Most games, the cost of a tank of gas. And yet people from all walks of life young and old came out of the woodwork to stand in line at WalMart that day to have their chance at getting one.
In our home we're choosy about the genre and content of the books we read, and the movies we watch and the video or computer games that our son plays, and the types of sites we visit on the internet. We don't watch TV because we don't have cable or satellite, though we do have a DVD/VCR player hooked up to an old TV for the occasional wholesome movie. These are our convictions, and we stick to them. Which is one reason we don't seem to be much affected by the crazes that we've noticed around us.
As a result, we spend a lot of time reading. We'd love for our older son to take as much of an interest in reading as we have, but so far that hasn't happened. He hasn't yet experienced the satisfaction that comes with reading a well written story, or the thrill of a good mystery or an edge-of-your-seat action thriller, not to mention all the discoveries to be made about numerous other interesting or favorite topics. As much as we want him to take a personal interest in reading, we stopped short of allowing him to read Harry Potter, even though people around us were claiming it would do the trick. We were just not willing to sacrifice our values in the process. From what we've read for ourselves about the books, they are nothing more than mild occult and witchcraft masquerading as Fantasy Fiction, and that is contrary to our personal beliefs and convictions. But that's a topic for another post.
One reason I'm convinced these crazes occur is because our society has shifted to this 'entertain me' , entitlement type of culture. Like we deserve to be entertained, and we want it our way, when we want it...and we want to be the first to have it.
Years ago, kids used to spend their free time pursuing hobbies. Climbing trees, riding bikes. Collecting things, identifying bugs or birds. Playing sandlot baseball, building forts. Playing outside with friends until dark or spending an afternoon at the library checking out a stack of books on topics of great interest to them. They didn't have a lot of time to while away, and so they used it to the utmost. And for the most part, it kept them out of trouble. Now, however, most kids spend an average of 5 or more hours a day in front of screens. Television or computer screens, handheld video games systems and phone screens. Mind-numbing activity that often fills the brain with meaningless drivel and fluff. Entertainment for entertainment's sake. No real take away value. And often, parents assume that because the kid is home, they're okay, and they don't monitor or supervise what their kids are involved in, much less limit the time they spend indulging in it. And I won't even get into the effect of violence and nudity in these pursuits, and the harmful effects those things have in our society. Too many kids, with way too much idle time on their hands.
Now a fun game, or a good movie or a book as entertainment do they have their place. Most folks enjoy a little down-time when their work is done, or relaxing or unwinding at the end of the day. I love curling up on the couch or in bed after everyone is asleep to read a good Inspirational Fiction book. It's relaxing, and I don't have anyone to interrupt me. For me, it's like going to a good movie. But if I spent all my waking hours in movies, or reading novels, or playing video games, or watching TV...my home would fall to pieces. There has to be a healthy balance, and it should always be done after all the important things have been taken care of for the day.
Entertainment only books, gaming systems, TV, music and music are often overindulged in by our 'entertain me' society. I have a real problem with the whole 'bandwagon' effect that has begun to happen where people line up in droves to be the first to get the latest gaming system, or to be the first to read the latest Harry Potter book. I find this sad. Too many people have sacrificed their originality and uniqueness (often characterized by their interests and hobbies) in favor of hours-per-day in front of the latest 'craze', to be just like everyone else.
There are many wonderful hobbies and sports and pastimes out there (like reading) that could not only keep a child too busy to get in trouble, but could expand their knowledge and understanding of the world around them and to teach valuable skills. So many wonderful books to explore under countless fascinating topics that could broaden horizons and enrich minds instead of filling them with meaningless drivel. All these positive things have begun to fall by the wayside in favor of hours-per-day of gaming, TV and other mind-numbing wastes of time.
Is it any wonder that young people on the cusp of adulthood today often have trouble trying to decide what to do with their lives? They haven't used their childhoods to explore various interests or pursue the many opportunities that might have turned into natural-fit, enjoyable and challenging professions for them here in our wonderful country, and then they find themselves at a crossroads, not sure where to go or what to do with their lives as young adults. Perhaps that's also why so many of our doctors and other high-science professionals have come from foreign lands to fill these jobs. The children (our nations next generation of leaders) are too consumed with indulging in their own appetites for entertainment, and not paying enough attention to those things that really matter. The future. Their future. How they will support themselves and their families when and if they marry? When they retire? When they get sick in old age?
Children of our parents and grandparents generations, before the advent of TV, spent many hours a day doing constructive activities. Their parents kept them busy with chores which developed responsibility. Taught them valuable skills like gardening and sewing and the value of hard work. Then when they were done, they used their free time to play and to read up on those things that interested them...chemistry experiments, aeronautics, how to care for sick animals, identifying different types of bugs or birds, and so on. These same young people went on to become the scientists and pilots and doctors and professors of their generation. Now it seems that millions of wonderful books on untold topics and genres go largely unexplored. Hobbies and past-times of fifty years ago are dying out, valuable skills becoming scarce as hen's teeth. The children of our nation are growing up without a moral or vocational compass. And this is supposed to give us hope for our future as a nation? It's rather frightening, really.
Parents of today have a lot more money to throw around than parents of 30, 40 and 50 years ago ever had, and think they are doing their children favors by 'providing' for them all the latest in everything, gratifying their 'needs' for entertainment--all because they felt deprived of things they had wanted as children. But is this really helping our children? Or are we creating spoiled, entitlement mentality kids that think they are owed what they want with very little effort to get it? Are we inadvertently creating a generation of lazy, couch-potato adult-escents that will never leave the comforts of their parents homes?
We as a nation need to take stock and reassess what this could mean for them and the very future of our country. Are we as parents doing enough to limit frivolous wastes of time in our children's lives? Are we doing enough to encourage our children to do constructive, mind-enriching things with their time, learning new skills and enjoying new activities which may become the seed that springs to life as a future career for them? Will our children be among those that contribute to and propel our country into the future as contenders in a world economy, as a nation of brilliant scholars and professionals, or will they be the dead-weight that hinders us from going forward at all? We need to be sure we're not failing our children by indulging their every whim, and pacifying them with various forms of entertainment, but instead are instilling in them the importance of thinking past just today, past the wants and desires of the short term, and to begin thinking ahead towards their futures, and the wise expenditure of time, energy and resources at their disposal now.
Turns out it was for the final installment of the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling.
Okay, so one time we did something sort of like this. It was to get our son into Kindergarten at the same school that his cousins were attending, and only because I babysat these cousins full-time and it would have been a logistics nightmare for me to have to pick up different kids from different schools and have them all on different breaks at different times if they weren't at the same school. It was necessary if I was to maintain my sanity.
But this line at Barnes & Noble really blew me away. It just seemed wrong, somehow. All these people, some young, some old, waiting in line under the blistering hot summer sun for hours on end...all for a book?
Not long ago, the same thing also happened at our local WalMart while I was shopping for clothes. Only this time it was in the evening. A long line assembled outside and wrapped all the way around the store. I was trying something on when I heard heard a ruckus over an employees radio just outside the dressing room. The cops and paramedics had been called to the scene as a fight had apparently broken out over a place in line, and someone had been hurt in the scuffle. What were those people waiting for? The XBox360 Game System. Was it really so important to be the first on the block to have or use the game system, or to play the games?
You might remember the Cabbage Patch Craze in the 80's, which caused some poor woman to get trampled and her leg broken. Or the soccer game crush down in Latin America somewhere that ended up resulting in the trampling deaths of 11 people during the mad rush to be the first inside for a championship game. Was the game really worth losing 11 lives over? I hardly think so!
What spawns such a 'craze' anyway?
I tend to think that much of it has to do with putting ourselves first. Being the one to get the best seat, or to have or own or play it first. As a kid, I really wanted a Rubik's Cube for that reason, but we certainly never waited in any lines to get it. My parents never would have gone for that. They wouldn't even cough up the money for it during the craze. In fact, I had to wait until the following Christmas to finally get one of my own, and by then everyone I knew had already 'solved' them and thrown them in a closet somewhere. But that's just the way it was with most things for us. My parents had four children to raise, and we lived on one income during most of my childhood. "We're not made of money!" and "Money doesn't grow on trees!" were comments I heard often in those days. We usually played with all the cool new toys at our friends houses long before our parents got around to buying them, if they ever did. I never did get the Barbie with bendable knees and a tan-line. And you know what? I survived. My psyche isn't irreparably damaged.
It seems there are crazes occuring with more and more regularity these days. I'm amazed by the masses of people that rush to purchase these things. Things that most families from my generation would have been hard-pressed to come up with the money for. Most game systems cost the equivalent of a car payement, or at the very least, a couple of week's worth of groceries. Most games, the cost of a tank of gas. And yet people from all walks of life young and old came out of the woodwork to stand in line at WalMart that day to have their chance at getting one.
In our home we're choosy about the genre and content of the books we read, and the movies we watch and the video or computer games that our son plays, and the types of sites we visit on the internet. We don't watch TV because we don't have cable or satellite, though we do have a DVD/VCR player hooked up to an old TV for the occasional wholesome movie. These are our convictions, and we stick to them. Which is one reason we don't seem to be much affected by the crazes that we've noticed around us.
As a result, we spend a lot of time reading. We'd love for our older son to take as much of an interest in reading as we have, but so far that hasn't happened. He hasn't yet experienced the satisfaction that comes with reading a well written story, or the thrill of a good mystery or an edge-of-your-seat action thriller, not to mention all the discoveries to be made about numerous other interesting or favorite topics. As much as we want him to take a personal interest in reading, we stopped short of allowing him to read Harry Potter, even though people around us were claiming it would do the trick. We were just not willing to sacrifice our values in the process. From what we've read for ourselves about the books, they are nothing more than mild occult and witchcraft masquerading as Fantasy Fiction, and that is contrary to our personal beliefs and convictions. But that's a topic for another post.
One reason I'm convinced these crazes occur is because our society has shifted to this 'entertain me' , entitlement type of culture. Like we deserve to be entertained, and we want it our way, when we want it...and we want to be the first to have it.
Years ago, kids used to spend their free time pursuing hobbies. Climbing trees, riding bikes. Collecting things, identifying bugs or birds. Playing sandlot baseball, building forts. Playing outside with friends until dark or spending an afternoon at the library checking out a stack of books on topics of great interest to them. They didn't have a lot of time to while away, and so they used it to the utmost. And for the most part, it kept them out of trouble. Now, however, most kids spend an average of 5 or more hours a day in front of screens. Television or computer screens, handheld video games systems and phone screens. Mind-numbing activity that often fills the brain with meaningless drivel and fluff. Entertainment for entertainment's sake. No real take away value. And often, parents assume that because the kid is home, they're okay, and they don't monitor or supervise what their kids are involved in, much less limit the time they spend indulging in it. And I won't even get into the effect of violence and nudity in these pursuits, and the harmful effects those things have in our society. Too many kids, with way too much idle time on their hands.
Now a fun game, or a good movie or a book as entertainment do they have their place. Most folks enjoy a little down-time when their work is done, or relaxing or unwinding at the end of the day. I love curling up on the couch or in bed after everyone is asleep to read a good Inspirational Fiction book. It's relaxing, and I don't have anyone to interrupt me. For me, it's like going to a good movie. But if I spent all my waking hours in movies, or reading novels, or playing video games, or watching TV...my home would fall to pieces. There has to be a healthy balance, and it should always be done after all the important things have been taken care of for the day.
Entertainment only books, gaming systems, TV, music and music are often overindulged in by our 'entertain me' society. I have a real problem with the whole 'bandwagon' effect that has begun to happen where people line up in droves to be the first to get the latest gaming system, or to be the first to read the latest Harry Potter book. I find this sad. Too many people have sacrificed their originality and uniqueness (often characterized by their interests and hobbies) in favor of hours-per-day in front of the latest 'craze', to be just like everyone else.
There are many wonderful hobbies and sports and pastimes out there (like reading) that could not only keep a child too busy to get in trouble, but could expand their knowledge and understanding of the world around them and to teach valuable skills. So many wonderful books to explore under countless fascinating topics that could broaden horizons and enrich minds instead of filling them with meaningless drivel. All these positive things have begun to fall by the wayside in favor of hours-per-day of gaming, TV and other mind-numbing wastes of time.
Is it any wonder that young people on the cusp of adulthood today often have trouble trying to decide what to do with their lives? They haven't used their childhoods to explore various interests or pursue the many opportunities that might have turned into natural-fit, enjoyable and challenging professions for them here in our wonderful country, and then they find themselves at a crossroads, not sure where to go or what to do with their lives as young adults. Perhaps that's also why so many of our doctors and other high-science professionals have come from foreign lands to fill these jobs. The children (our nations next generation of leaders) are too consumed with indulging in their own appetites for entertainment, and not paying enough attention to those things that really matter. The future. Their future. How they will support themselves and their families when and if they marry? When they retire? When they get sick in old age?
Children of our parents and grandparents generations, before the advent of TV, spent many hours a day doing constructive activities. Their parents kept them busy with chores which developed responsibility. Taught them valuable skills like gardening and sewing and the value of hard work. Then when they were done, they used their free time to play and to read up on those things that interested them...chemistry experiments, aeronautics, how to care for sick animals, identifying different types of bugs or birds, and so on. These same young people went on to become the scientists and pilots and doctors and professors of their generation. Now it seems that millions of wonderful books on untold topics and genres go largely unexplored. Hobbies and past-times of fifty years ago are dying out, valuable skills becoming scarce as hen's teeth. The children of our nation are growing up without a moral or vocational compass. And this is supposed to give us hope for our future as a nation? It's rather frightening, really.
Parents of today have a lot more money to throw around than parents of 30, 40 and 50 years ago ever had, and think they are doing their children favors by 'providing' for them all the latest in everything, gratifying their 'needs' for entertainment--all because they felt deprived of things they had wanted as children. But is this really helping our children? Or are we creating spoiled, entitlement mentality kids that think they are owed what they want with very little effort to get it? Are we inadvertently creating a generation of lazy, couch-potato adult-escents that will never leave the comforts of their parents homes?
We as a nation need to take stock and reassess what this could mean for them and the very future of our country. Are we as parents doing enough to limit frivolous wastes of time in our children's lives? Are we doing enough to encourage our children to do constructive, mind-enriching things with their time, learning new skills and enjoying new activities which may become the seed that springs to life as a future career for them? Will our children be among those that contribute to and propel our country into the future as contenders in a world economy, as a nation of brilliant scholars and professionals, or will they be the dead-weight that hinders us from going forward at all? We need to be sure we're not failing our children by indulging their every whim, and pacifying them with various forms of entertainment, but instead are instilling in them the importance of thinking past just today, past the wants and desires of the short term, and to begin thinking ahead towards their futures, and the wise expenditure of time, energy and resources at their disposal now.
Monday, July 23, 2007
In the trenches and on the front lines
Last night after the evening service at church, we had a planning meeting for the upcoming AWANA Club year. It happened that it was held in our church fellowship hall, and being that big brother was helping his grandma that evening and couldn't keep little brother occupied for us, I was forced to bring him into the meeting with me. Now our toddler is a very rambunctious 22 month old that keeps us running from dawn until dark. This boy doesn't stop for a moment during his waking hours, and the baby gates, doorknob covers and cabinet locking devices all over our house are testimony to this.
In casual settings like this, Judah seems to stay quieter (or perhaps I should say less disruptive) if he is free to mill around rather than be confined to a lap or seat (and he'd already sat through a church service), so I went ahead and let him do so. Most folks in our church are pretty understanding of such things, and if they aren't, word has never gotten back to me about it (lol!). When my husband opened the meeting in prayer, Judah was over by one of the exit doors where he'd just pushed his stroller. He looked my direction, and as a preventative measure, I held my finger to my lips to remind him to be quiet because we were praying. He immediately put his finger to his own lips, and whispered loudly, "Ssss, daddy" (a lispy sounding version more accurately translated as "Shhh, daddy is praying"). Then, it dawned on him that he wasn't where he should be for the prayer and he came running over to stand between me and the gal sitting beside me, Lori, and grabbed our hands to finish out the prayer. Lori had our older son Jericho in her Sunday School class for the past couple of years, and was delighted to see little brother coming up through the ranks.
Sadly, all the 'points' he might have earned with folks for the 'model' behavior he was learning quickly flew out the window when he proceeded to immediately head for trouble. Namely rooting around underneath the kitchen sink where all the cleaning chemicals are kept (Note to self: Get Baby Proofing cabinet locks for church kitchen cabinets.) I quickly jumped up and ran over to avert disaster, and had no sooner pulled him out of the cupboard and put everything back in, than I heard the entire group chuckling...because there behind me not a split second later, Judah was already swinging monkey-style from the nearby table top. (I heard one person laughingly comment, "That boy is probably just like his daddy was at that age"--and there is some truth to that...) That's our Judah, going from one mischievous thing to another all day long. "See what I spend my days doing?" I asked to no one in particular as they all chuckled at his antics.
But back to the meeting itself, we went over all the usual preparatory things. At one point, our pastor mentioned something about not wanting to overburden with administrative details and paperwork those that were AWANA club leaders, or as he put it, "the ones in the trenches and on the front lines", working directly with and teaching the children coming to our church's AWANA Club.
I rather liked that use of terminology because it brings to mind the fact that there is a very real battle being waged for their souls. The Body of Christ can't afford to be passive. We must "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about seeking whom he may devour!" (1 Peter 5:8) That's a serious charge we've been given! We went to a drive-through Animal Safari park in Oregon when little Judah was just 3 months old, and it was downright frightening to be so close to those fearsome lions, prowling about, with only a car window between us! I noticed that the park even had a tower overlooking that exhibit with a guard holding some sort of tranquilizer dart gun or something 'just in case'. That's what our position as believers should be. To always be on-guard against the wiles of the enemy of our soul and doing whatever we can to warn others.
This old world has so many things vying for the attention of our youth--tugging at them, ready to lure and entice and drag them away into a life of sin and destruction. I've worked with teens for 10 years in our church, and see that the struggle is not limited to those that are unsaved. Let's face it, even strong Christian adults struggle with sin that creeps into our lives when our guard is down. It's the very reason we're challenged to take up the full armor of God...standing firm...being vigilant and never letting our guard down. There isn't a piece of armor for our backside, because we're always supposed to be actively engaged in the battle.
Getting involved with children's ministry and outreach is crucial in this battle against sin and the battle for their very souls. Jesus is the one who does the Saving, of course, but He uses us to warn them. tell them, and drag them back from the brink if need be. Statistics show that if children aren't reached with the gospel by the time they are 18, their chance of ever being so drastically decreases. As a nation, the ground gained beneath us is slowly eroding away, and the moral fabric of our nation is getting pretty threadbare in places...all because many Christian people know to do right, but are simply not doing so. That is a sin (and a travesty!) according to James 4:17.
At times, when I look around Christendom, I think the Body of Christ (The Church in general) is largely asleep. Scripture even speaks of this. There are so many Christians in America (and elsewhere), young and old alike, that are content to fill pews week after week, but never volunteer to help or get involved with ministering to even the very basic needs of their local church body. They receive, but never give. And local churches are crippled by this, often 'dying on the vine', if you will. It grieves me to see churches that some congregation of believers from decades past built with their faithful prayers, tithes and offerings, but which now lie vacant or have been converted to a business or a place of residence, no longer being used to do the work they were intended to be used for in that community. Then there are the big beautiful church facilities with lots of classroom space and thousands in attendance, yet always seem to be struggling to find faithful servants to fill roles as nursery workers, Sunday School teachers, VBS workers and choir members--representing hundreds and hundreds of missed opportunities to make a difference for Christ in the lives of another person...someone who may not yet know Him personally.
For some reason I'm reminded of the Parable of the 10 Virgins in Matthew 25. As I understand that passage, there were the 5 wise Virgins who kept oil on hand to light their lamps whenever necessary, but then there were 5 foolish Virgins who didn't bother to keep oil on hand figuring they could get it later. They were all waiting for their Bridegroom to return, and grew tired. But when He arrived, only the five virgins that had oil in their lamps were ready to greet Him, because the others had let their lamps burn out. I'm no theologian, but verse 1 indicates that the parable is likened to the Kingdom of Heaven. We are to be ever watchful and ready, knowing neither the day nor the hour that our Lord returns, when our final door of opportunity to be a light for Him here will close.
Matthew 10 talks about how we've freely received and should freely give. Treasure (tithes) are good, of course, but we also need people willing to give of their time and talent--people willing to get down in the trenches of the church nursery or junior high classrooms (any age group for that matter) getting involved with ministries or outreaches--and not just to the folks coming into our church buildings, but folks in local prisons, hospitals, nursing homes, and shut-ins (many of them being those faithful souls of yesteryear that once attended and supported our churches and taught in Sunday Schools and sang in choirs but are now confined to homes or nursing homes due to health troubles, and largely forgotten about by the local church body). Then there are all those unreached people groups abroad. So many needs, and so few people willing to be God's hands and feet to meet those needs here on this earth. So many opportunities to share the Gospel...lost. Many of us simply aren't keeping the oil reserves in our lamps full, ready to shine at a moments notice. Being filled with the Spirit as opposed to partially filled, which is what happens when we ignore the work of the Holy Spirit in and through our lives (squelching or grieving the Spirit), allowing the flesh to dictate things instead of the Spirit.
Many folks in comfortable Middle America dislike change, and want a comfortable, predictable, low-maintenance place to worship each week. They don't want to go 'mingle' inside where they might have to get involved, but would rather just 'drive through' for a quick sermon and retreat to more 'comfortable' surroundings the rest of the time. Meanwhile, the kids in the neighborhoods surrounding these churches are getting caught up in drugs and gangs or are suffering in difficult home situations without any real hope for their futures. Why? Because there are so few willing to get into the trenches and join the battle! It's like we have the cure for the 'cancer' of sin, but aren't willing to share it, while untold millions of people are dying in their sins! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?
God is not a secret to be kept to ourselves like some exclusive country club membership. Nor is He some 'bill of goods' that we have to work up the nerve to get out there and sell to a person or wrangle some kind of a commitment out of a person once we have. We are simply told to go and tell. The Holy Spirit is the one who convinces and convicts of sin and the need of a Savior. We just point the way. It's not that difficult. There is a glorious new life in Christ awaiting those that are told about it. There are many that would love to hear--need to hear that message of hope--of Light in their darkness. But how are they to know if they aren't told? And how are they to be told if the majority of believers won't even report for duty? There are far too many AWOL Christians.
For the size of our small church congregation, I believe we have a pretty good ratio of dedicated folks willing to get down into those trenches. Of course, there is always room for improvement. Many people don't stop to think about the fact that even seemingly small or mundane tasks like vacuuming the sanctuary, being an usher or a friendly face greeting folks at the door each week, picking up a neighbor child for church, or helping faithfully in the nursery are all ministry opportunities, either directly (by personal opportunities to 'shine the light' or share the Good News of the Gospel) or indirectly (by freeing up someone else to do so). Yes, spiritual gifts do come into play here, but there aren't any 'excused absences' where Christian ministry or service or the Great Commission are concerned. All followers of Christ are commanded to go and tell and equipped with spiritual gifts to help us fulfill our very purpose in this life...furthering His Kingdom on this earth. No one gift is more important than another--all are vital to an effective and functioning Body of Christ.
Not even retirees, the home bound, the ill or infirm or those in prison are exempt from going and telling about the good news of Salvation through Jesus Christ. Or from serving Him where they are, however they can. In Scripture, Esther and Joseph were used mightily of God in very difficult circumstances. Places they didn't necessarily want to be. But God used them, and even elevated them to places of favor in those places for His good purpose. You've probably heard of believers that end up in prison (or get saved in prison) and share the Gospel with fellow inmates or go on to lead Bible studies. Or cancer patients witnessing to their nurses and doctors by their example of strong faith in the midst of adversity (or getting saved as a direct result of their illness). Or Christian retirees devoting their lives to service for the Lord as Missionaries or in RV Ministries, where they go from place to place to help with odd jobs or to staff camps, or even staying home and helping with Visitation ministries in their local churches. Maybe all they can do is to talk to the telemarketers and others that come by their home. But until our time is up, our job is not done. It's all about plugging in and using what God has given us to do His work in our world.
We have a dear little old woman of 94 in our life that for decades has prayed for my husband's family. She was led of the Lord to do so back in the 1970's when my husband's family first bumbled through the doors of their hometown church. For years Mrs. Pugmire was there in the background praying her little heart out for them, until every last one of my husband's family (from his folks to he and his five siblings), and most of their offspring to date, had come into the fold. In fact, she continues to pray for us, and for that I am so tremendously thankful! The prayers of the righteous do avail much! What a faithful servant of the Lord she has been, a tool used of Him for His honor and glory on this earth. For many of those years she has been a shut-in, not even able to get out and about anymore, but still she continues to do whatever she can by praying for and encouraging others while she has the opportunity. Why? Because she so loves our Savior.
I believe that the Church is currently suffering a severe shortage of committed folks with a passionate love for Jesus, willing to do whatever they can to further His kingdom here on earth wherever we happen to live. Believers need to rally together, spurred on by the common goal of Going and Telling (the Great Commission), reaching as many folks for Christ as we can while we have the opportunity to do so. The needs are so great...the fields ripe unto harvest. Many souls are suffering throughout our world, and we have the answer for that suffering. Jesus Christ, the Way, the Truth and the Life. The Light of the World. The Hope of our Salvation.
There is a statistic (possibly from Barna Research, though I can't find it at the moment to verify that) that says 7% of the Body of Christ is doing 95% of the work--the remaining 5% of the work just not getting done at all. Too few Christians have reported for duty. Many are AWOL. But we've all been given our spiritual gifts for a reason. We are each meant to be a very vital, actively involved part of our local church body. As with our physical bodies, when one part or organ doesn't work as it should, it can really cripple our effectiveness. Could you imagine the difference it would make if that 7% doubled? Tripled? Quadrupled? What if every single Christian in the world was doing all that they should be for the Lord here on this earth?
Have YOU reported for duty?
In casual settings like this, Judah seems to stay quieter (or perhaps I should say less disruptive) if he is free to mill around rather than be confined to a lap or seat (and he'd already sat through a church service), so I went ahead and let him do so. Most folks in our church are pretty understanding of such things, and if they aren't, word has never gotten back to me about it (lol!). When my husband opened the meeting in prayer, Judah was over by one of the exit doors where he'd just pushed his stroller. He looked my direction, and as a preventative measure, I held my finger to my lips to remind him to be quiet because we were praying. He immediately put his finger to his own lips, and whispered loudly, "Ssss, daddy" (a lispy sounding version more accurately translated as "Shhh, daddy is praying"). Then, it dawned on him that he wasn't where he should be for the prayer and he came running over to stand between me and the gal sitting beside me, Lori, and grabbed our hands to finish out the prayer. Lori had our older son Jericho in her Sunday School class for the past couple of years, and was delighted to see little brother coming up through the ranks.
Sadly, all the 'points' he might have earned with folks for the 'model' behavior he was learning quickly flew out the window when he proceeded to immediately head for trouble. Namely rooting around underneath the kitchen sink where all the cleaning chemicals are kept (Note to self: Get Baby Proofing cabinet locks for church kitchen cabinets.) I quickly jumped up and ran over to avert disaster, and had no sooner pulled him out of the cupboard and put everything back in, than I heard the entire group chuckling...because there behind me not a split second later, Judah was already swinging monkey-style from the nearby table top. (I heard one person laughingly comment, "That boy is probably just like his daddy was at that age"--and there is some truth to that...) That's our Judah, going from one mischievous thing to another all day long. "See what I spend my days doing?" I asked to no one in particular as they all chuckled at his antics.
But back to the meeting itself, we went over all the usual preparatory things. At one point, our pastor mentioned something about not wanting to overburden with administrative details and paperwork those that were AWANA club leaders, or as he put it, "the ones in the trenches and on the front lines", working directly with and teaching the children coming to our church's AWANA Club.
I rather liked that use of terminology because it brings to mind the fact that there is a very real battle being waged for their souls. The Body of Christ can't afford to be passive. We must "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about seeking whom he may devour!" (1 Peter 5:8) That's a serious charge we've been given! We went to a drive-through Animal Safari park in Oregon when little Judah was just 3 months old, and it was downright frightening to be so close to those fearsome lions, prowling about, with only a car window between us! I noticed that the park even had a tower overlooking that exhibit with a guard holding some sort of tranquilizer dart gun or something 'just in case'. That's what our position as believers should be. To always be on-guard against the wiles of the enemy of our soul and doing whatever we can to warn others.
This old world has so many things vying for the attention of our youth--tugging at them, ready to lure and entice and drag them away into a life of sin and destruction. I've worked with teens for 10 years in our church, and see that the struggle is not limited to those that are unsaved. Let's face it, even strong Christian adults struggle with sin that creeps into our lives when our guard is down. It's the very reason we're challenged to take up the full armor of God...standing firm...being vigilant and never letting our guard down. There isn't a piece of armor for our backside, because we're always supposed to be actively engaged in the battle.
Getting involved with children's ministry and outreach is crucial in this battle against sin and the battle for their very souls. Jesus is the one who does the Saving, of course, but He uses us to warn them. tell them, and drag them back from the brink if need be. Statistics show that if children aren't reached with the gospel by the time they are 18, their chance of ever being so drastically decreases. As a nation, the ground gained beneath us is slowly eroding away, and the moral fabric of our nation is getting pretty threadbare in places...all because many Christian people know to do right, but are simply not doing so. That is a sin (and a travesty!) according to James 4:17.
At times, when I look around Christendom, I think the Body of Christ (The Church in general) is largely asleep. Scripture even speaks of this. There are so many Christians in America (and elsewhere), young and old alike, that are content to fill pews week after week, but never volunteer to help or get involved with ministering to even the very basic needs of their local church body. They receive, but never give. And local churches are crippled by this, often 'dying on the vine', if you will. It grieves me to see churches that some congregation of believers from decades past built with their faithful prayers, tithes and offerings, but which now lie vacant or have been converted to a business or a place of residence, no longer being used to do the work they were intended to be used for in that community. Then there are the big beautiful church facilities with lots of classroom space and thousands in attendance, yet always seem to be struggling to find faithful servants to fill roles as nursery workers, Sunday School teachers, VBS workers and choir members--representing hundreds and hundreds of missed opportunities to make a difference for Christ in the lives of another person...someone who may not yet know Him personally.
For some reason I'm reminded of the Parable of the 10 Virgins in Matthew 25. As I understand that passage, there were the 5 wise Virgins who kept oil on hand to light their lamps whenever necessary, but then there were 5 foolish Virgins who didn't bother to keep oil on hand figuring they could get it later. They were all waiting for their Bridegroom to return, and grew tired. But when He arrived, only the five virgins that had oil in their lamps were ready to greet Him, because the others had let their lamps burn out. I'm no theologian, but verse 1 indicates that the parable is likened to the Kingdom of Heaven. We are to be ever watchful and ready, knowing neither the day nor the hour that our Lord returns, when our final door of opportunity to be a light for Him here will close.
Matthew 10 talks about how we've freely received and should freely give. Treasure (tithes) are good, of course, but we also need people willing to give of their time and talent--people willing to get down in the trenches of the church nursery or junior high classrooms (any age group for that matter) getting involved with ministries or outreaches--and not just to the folks coming into our church buildings, but folks in local prisons, hospitals, nursing homes, and shut-ins (many of them being those faithful souls of yesteryear that once attended and supported our churches and taught in Sunday Schools and sang in choirs but are now confined to homes or nursing homes due to health troubles, and largely forgotten about by the local church body). Then there are all those unreached people groups abroad. So many needs, and so few people willing to be God's hands and feet to meet those needs here on this earth. So many opportunities to share the Gospel...lost. Many of us simply aren't keeping the oil reserves in our lamps full, ready to shine at a moments notice. Being filled with the Spirit as opposed to partially filled, which is what happens when we ignore the work of the Holy Spirit in and through our lives (squelching or grieving the Spirit), allowing the flesh to dictate things instead of the Spirit.
Many folks in comfortable Middle America dislike change, and want a comfortable, predictable, low-maintenance place to worship each week. They don't want to go 'mingle' inside where they might have to get involved, but would rather just 'drive through' for a quick sermon and retreat to more 'comfortable' surroundings the rest of the time. Meanwhile, the kids in the neighborhoods surrounding these churches are getting caught up in drugs and gangs or are suffering in difficult home situations without any real hope for their futures. Why? Because there are so few willing to get into the trenches and join the battle! It's like we have the cure for the 'cancer' of sin, but aren't willing to share it, while untold millions of people are dying in their sins! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?
God is not a secret to be kept to ourselves like some exclusive country club membership. Nor is He some 'bill of goods' that we have to work up the nerve to get out there and sell to a person or wrangle some kind of a commitment out of a person once we have. We are simply told to go and tell. The Holy Spirit is the one who convinces and convicts of sin and the need of a Savior. We just point the way. It's not that difficult. There is a glorious new life in Christ awaiting those that are told about it. There are many that would love to hear--need to hear that message of hope--of Light in their darkness. But how are they to know if they aren't told? And how are they to be told if the majority of believers won't even report for duty? There are far too many AWOL Christians.
For the size of our small church congregation, I believe we have a pretty good ratio of dedicated folks willing to get down into those trenches. Of course, there is always room for improvement. Many people don't stop to think about the fact that even seemingly small or mundane tasks like vacuuming the sanctuary, being an usher or a friendly face greeting folks at the door each week, picking up a neighbor child for church, or helping faithfully in the nursery are all ministry opportunities, either directly (by personal opportunities to 'shine the light' or share the Good News of the Gospel) or indirectly (by freeing up someone else to do so). Yes, spiritual gifts do come into play here, but there aren't any 'excused absences' where Christian ministry or service or the Great Commission are concerned. All followers of Christ are commanded to go and tell and equipped with spiritual gifts to help us fulfill our very purpose in this life...furthering His Kingdom on this earth. No one gift is more important than another--all are vital to an effective and functioning Body of Christ.
Not even retirees, the home bound, the ill or infirm or those in prison are exempt from going and telling about the good news of Salvation through Jesus Christ. Or from serving Him where they are, however they can. In Scripture, Esther and Joseph were used mightily of God in very difficult circumstances. Places they didn't necessarily want to be. But God used them, and even elevated them to places of favor in those places for His good purpose. You've probably heard of believers that end up in prison (or get saved in prison) and share the Gospel with fellow inmates or go on to lead Bible studies. Or cancer patients witnessing to their nurses and doctors by their example of strong faith in the midst of adversity (or getting saved as a direct result of their illness). Or Christian retirees devoting their lives to service for the Lord as Missionaries or in RV Ministries, where they go from place to place to help with odd jobs or to staff camps, or even staying home and helping with Visitation ministries in their local churches. Maybe all they can do is to talk to the telemarketers and others that come by their home. But until our time is up, our job is not done. It's all about plugging in and using what God has given us to do His work in our world.
We have a dear little old woman of 94 in our life that for decades has prayed for my husband's family. She was led of the Lord to do so back in the 1970's when my husband's family first bumbled through the doors of their hometown church. For years Mrs. Pugmire was there in the background praying her little heart out for them, until every last one of my husband's family (from his folks to he and his five siblings), and most of their offspring to date, had come into the fold. In fact, she continues to pray for us, and for that I am so tremendously thankful! The prayers of the righteous do avail much! What a faithful servant of the Lord she has been, a tool used of Him for His honor and glory on this earth. For many of those years she has been a shut-in, not even able to get out and about anymore, but still she continues to do whatever she can by praying for and encouraging others while she has the opportunity. Why? Because she so loves our Savior.
I believe that the Church is currently suffering a severe shortage of committed folks with a passionate love for Jesus, willing to do whatever they can to further His kingdom here on earth wherever we happen to live. Believers need to rally together, spurred on by the common goal of Going and Telling (the Great Commission), reaching as many folks for Christ as we can while we have the opportunity to do so. The needs are so great...the fields ripe unto harvest. Many souls are suffering throughout our world, and we have the answer for that suffering. Jesus Christ, the Way, the Truth and the Life. The Light of the World. The Hope of our Salvation.
There is a statistic (possibly from Barna Research, though I can't find it at the moment to verify that) that says 7% of the Body of Christ is doing 95% of the work--the remaining 5% of the work just not getting done at all. Too few Christians have reported for duty. Many are AWOL. But we've all been given our spiritual gifts for a reason. We are each meant to be a very vital, actively involved part of our local church body. As with our physical bodies, when one part or organ doesn't work as it should, it can really cripple our effectiveness. Could you imagine the difference it would make if that 7% doubled? Tripled? Quadrupled? What if every single Christian in the world was doing all that they should be for the Lord here on this earth?
Have YOU reported for duty?
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Of birthdays, car problems, and Blessings from God
A couple of weeks ago was my birthday. I turned 36.I'm fine with it now, but late the night before that momentous occasion found me crying my eyes out in bed, realizing for the first time I was on the down side of my 30's (or, as my sister oh-so-helpfully pointed out, in a new age bracket on forms.) **sniff, sniff**
As I was reminiscing and reflecting on things, this melancholy washed over me, making me feel as though life had picked up speed, and I was sort of left spinning in the tailwinds of all the rest of the cars zipping past on this freeway of life. My 20's sure didn't feel like they went by as fast as my 30's.
Before this birthday, I was content to move forward, even if I was the 'cruise-control-set-on-55' driver that everyone else hurried to get past.
For the most part, I've been content with my lot in life, too busy to care whether or not other people were racing past. I just pointed my car in the right direction, and began carefully picking my way towards my destination, sometimes stopping to help folks along the way. Rather like a tow-truck.
But for some unknown reason, turning 36 caused me to start looking around at those other cars, and thinking that perhaps my make and model of car weren't quite good enough.
Then I began comparing myself to all the others and feeling that I needed more than I had.
Suddenly my cars weren't new enough, my house wasn't nice enough, and our income wasn't large enough. I believe this is referred to in Scripture as coveting, with a dash of envy. A discontent with what I have, and a desire to have those things that others have.
Like Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden (when their eyes were opened to their nakedness and they suddenly were ashamed and wanted to cover themselves), my eyes were 'opened' to my 'sorry lot in life', and I was suddenly beginning to feel disappointed with the way things have turned out for us financially.
Out of nowhere, how others perceived us was beginning to mean a whole lot more than it ever had before.
Lately, probably because my husband's birthday falls just a few days after mine, we've been grousing a lot about being "nearly 40 and still driving crap cars"--even if they are payment free, paid off crap cars.
It's not that we're mortified to drive them, though we've had a few of those over the years, too.
Like the one we brought our oldest son home from the hospital in. It was used when we bought it, but was very dependable and lasted us for several years. However, towards the end of it's tenure with us, we took to calling it The Blue-Bomber. When you turned the key in that thing, it sounded like a helicopter had roared to life, complete with the rumble effect and the loud noise inside the car that was so deafening, your ears would ring.
And it backfired at random times, like when our son exited the car and was walking up the curb to the gate at school.
Now, that was embarrassing.
However, our current vehicles are not so outdated that nobody else is driving them. They are, oddly enough, some very desirable older model vehicles. In fact, from time to time we get notes on the windshields of those cars, "If you want to sell this vehicle, give me a call".
I suppose most of our car complaints usually crop up this time of year because it's blistering hot outside.
Our Honda is the only of our two cars with working AC, but is very small and we can't carry too much with us when we go anywhere. And it just doesn't do long trips up and down mountain passes or to far away places.
It's also been threatening to give out completely for some time, and usually has a difficult time passing smog.
Needing to spend countless hours of down time working on a broken down hunk-of-junk in the hot sun is enough to make even a calm rational soul like my husband spitting mad.
So we have to rely on our small Truck to take us to faraway locations. The truck has been with us for a while, and works great. Even in 4x4. We've taken it along on youth group outings and taken it up terrain where no truck has ever gone before. We can tow or haul as much stuff along with us as we need, but it has no AC.
My husband was able to fix the driver's side window, however, which was a real thrill. "It goes up, it goes down" became our new excited chant.
And to be able to go through a drive-through once again without having to open the door to make the transactions is nothing short of luxurious. But it is only a two-door, so our older son Jericho has to climb over the front seat to sit in the little side-facing seats in the extended cab if we go anywhere as a family.
Add to this that Judah's car seat (the only model that fit in our truck with the stick-shift) is rather bulky and wide, and is tightly wedged between us on the front seat.
As you might imagine this makes things tight, especially on long trips.
Add to this that Jeff's and my seats are also bucket seats, so our alignment gets all out of whack from sitting cockeyed for any length of time.
Squeezed so tightly into the cab of that truck, Jeff has taken to calling our arrival to church or wherever our "Pillsbury Moment", because when we open our doors, it's like what happens when you "pop" open a can of Pillsbury biscuits.
And getting seat belted in to leave is a real challenge. We are always furtively looking around to make sure the coast is clear beforehand so nobody has to see the struggle as we try to cram those biscuits back into the can.
I think the most difficult part of our car situation, however, is that occasionally we come across a problem that is beyond our expertise. Something we usually can't afford to get fixed at a garage, and so it becomes something that we need to ask for help with (from our friends with mechanical know-how). Which just contributes to this feeling that people probably look down on us for living as we do. "Oh, no--Jeff and Becky need help with their car again. Hide, honey...get down! They'll see us and want our help again on their decrepit cars."
And it's moments like those, when you feel like hauling off and kicking those cars for all the frustration they cause you.
And then afterward, it's hard not to look around with envy at all the people our ages and younger, living in sprawling homes and towing gleaming speedboats to the river behind brand new trucks and SUV's.
We've often questioned, "How do they do that?" or "How can they possibly afford that?" Granted, many are two-income households, and I'm guessing there probably also a lot of folks up to their eyeballs in debt, perhaps even on the verge of losing their homes, because the interest-only payment plans that got them into said homes are getting to the point where they will have to begin paying on the capital.
No doubt there are also some that are on the verge of losing their marriages, too, because of the pressure and strain caused by financial debt.
And let us not forget that old resentment that some of those folks probably got a much better financial start than we did. Either by making wiser financial decisions, or coming from homes where their folks paid for their educations or helped them buy their first homes or cars.
We admittedly made some dumb financial decisions as newlyweds. We already had lots of combined student loan debt, but began racking up credit card debt because we grew impatient and tired of living at the poverty line. We bought furniture and The Blue Bomber during that time. We've long since learned our lesson, having closed all those accounts and have been diligently striving to pay everything off.
Digging out from under those poor decisions early in our marriage is taking a long time, and because we feel so far behind having had to pay off money we borrowed against our future, we find ourselves lapsing into impatience and discontent from time to time.
Our standard of living has improved somewhat since our days as newlywed college kids, but it's still hard when young marrieds are taking exotic vacations, buying new vehicles, moving into bigger homes and investing for their futures while we feel surpassed, and even a little like failures.
If car troubles and the financial issue were all we were concerned with, that would be one thing. But often, that feeling of not having much to show for all our hard work extends to another painful area as well--namely when it hurts our 'pride'. We both have college educations. My husband even has a Master's Degree. And Jeff works very hard to provide for us. But it seems that we are most often judged by our material gains. How much stuff we have.
For me, I guess I get really tired of feeling like others in our life don't respect the route we've chosen to take as a Christian, single-income, stay-at-home-mom type of household.
If we felt so inclined, we could easily join the ranks of two-income, garage-full-of-toys households. But long ago when our precious little firstborn son came into the world, we just couldn't bear the thought of him not growing up with one of us home to care for him from day to day. It was decided then that I would be a SAHM.
Have we ever thought about my going back to work? Sure. But always, it comes back down to our convictions, and our children's ultimate spiritual welfare, and that idea promptly gets tossed out.
Back in the 1950's, the vast majority of children had a SAHM, and it was the expected thing for them to do. Society even approved.
Since feminism and equal rights muddied the collective reasoning of our society and there was this lemming-rush to the workplace, it's become sort of looked down upon for a woman to stay home with her children. Christian folks that took this route themselves have even been known to back away from their original stance.
Sometimes we feel looked down upon and treated as poor folks just because we've chosen this route instead of the one with all the material trappings. "You know, they do just have the one income."
Even worse is when people say things that insinuate that because they had x amount of children, it was worth it for them to stay home, but not so for me because we have only 2. Which is utterly absurd. Before little brother came along, it was just one child at home, and he was just as much 'worth' the beneficial upbringing by his own mother as children from larger families are.
So there I was, bawling my eyes out, and beginning to feel real low about the course my life had taken.
That same serpent that enticed Eve in the garden was there whispering in my ear, trying to 'open my eyes' to all that I was 'missing out' on by trying to cast doubt on our convictions and the decisions we'd made in faith years ago. "Did God really say..." I could almost hear him hiss.
And there in the midst of my pre-birthday melancholy, suddenly I thought, "Why should I even care what other people think of me?" It's what God thinks of me that really counts.
Who is it that I am striving to please, anyway? God or man?
Here was the enemy of my soul, trying to cast doubt on all the decisions we'd made in faith. Why? Because without faith, it's impossible to please God. If he could entice me away, I'd be living a life displeasing to God.
What did he have to gain? Another God-honoring family, falling by the wayside, bowing to the gods of money and greed instead of the God of the Universe.
And our Amazing Heavenly Father is the One that rewards those who seek Him. Who trust Him and His will and ways in our lives. He is the one we are striving to please.
So what if the books I've been laboring on these many years have yet to be published, and so I currently have little to show outwardly for my years worth of efforts? So what if things didn't turn out as we expected, because God pointed us in a direction that lowered our income instead of raised it? So what if others have joined the work force, and I am now one of the few SAHM's I know? So what if we don't have the latest car on the market or the more exotic vacations?
Suddenly my perspective had changed completely.
Our life can be a real struggle at times, but whose isn't? We may not have all the 'things' and 'toys' that other people have, but it's not because we're poor or inferior to others.
It's a matter of priorities, and about serving God rather than money. It's about tithing instead of driving new, luxury cars. About helping missions endeavors instead of getting manicures and fancy salon cuts. It's about dressing in sensible, inexpensive clothes that fit our lifestyle, instead of trying to look like celebrities.
We are by no means poor! All our bills are paid each month on time with money to spare. Our children never want for clothing or any other need. We always have good healthy food to eat, and occasionally even enjoy dinners out. We're blessed with excellent health. We have a comfortable, happy home life, and well-adjusted kids that are growing up with a love for Jesus. What's to trade-off? What's to sacrifice? We're blessed people! We're rich compared to the vast majority of people in our world!
I realize there are some cases where it is necessary for one reason or another for both husband and wife to work. I'm not trying to slam these folks. In fact, many are to be congratulated. I know of couples that work very hard at still doing all those things that in most families could only be accomplished by a full-time SAHM, and are able to juggle it all with great success, some even working opposite shifts to manage it.
In our home, however, we still firmly believe the Lord wants me home full-time with our boys. It's a decision we made in faith years ago, and we feel it is in the best interest of the spiritual health of our family. For us, this supercedes our financial wants, and we're blessed to currently have all of our needs met from month to month to allow this.
But besides being there for my husband and boys, my being home has allowed us to be in the position to be available to help others. To have the time to research things to improve our standard of living and the quality of our lives on many levels.
Even above and beyond that, it's freed us up in many ways to be able to devote ourselves to prayer, seeking after God, and pursuing many forms of ministry and service to the Lord as a family. It's allowed me plenty of time to pursue my dream of becoming a published author, and to invest in and maintain friendships and keep in touch with lots of people dear to me.
In spite of my age and the lack of material success in my life, I do believe that the things I've done with my life have counted for something in the sight of the Lord. He sees and knows the motive of my heart. Sees the sacrifices of time, talent and treasure that we make as a family. The lives affected in positive ways through us. And ultimately, He is the one who rewards us.
We will not be put to shame. We can trust that He will do what He has said He will do.
I guess I'm no longer feeling melancholy about turning 36. In fact, I feel inspired to continue on, striving for fabulous in my Walk with the Lord...hoping to spend the next 50 or 60 years accomplishing just that.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
My Inaugural Post
Okay, so about the hideous picture. 
Yep, it's really me in all my frump-mama glory.
The picture itself was staged the morning after the following events took place:
A couple of years back, I was up early getting ready to go help in my son's class at school. Although I am usually a jeans and tee-shirt kind of mom (hence, FrumpMama), I can and do rise to the occasion when necessary (church, husbands workplace & son's school), taking extra pains to look my fab best...pains being the operative word here.
You know how it is, ladies. Beauty takes time.
Lots of time.
Because there are lots of steps.
Get up, plug in hot-rollers, shower, shave, lather-rinse-repeat, dry off, dress to the shoes, apply anti-perspirant, brush & floss, gargle, apply masque to face before drying hair to hurry the drying process along, then while masque is drying, put in hot rollers...and so on.
So I had just rolled my hair when I heard very loud firm knocking on the front door.
Our puppy Raisin was immediately on the job, sounding the alarm at the front entryway and trying for all she was worth, trying to sound older and more fearsome than her age.
"Who could that be?" I muttered as I headed down the hallway, not expecting anyone at that relatively early hour of the morning (it was around 8:00 am and my son wasn't even up for school yet for crying out loud).
The loud insistent raps were heard again and the knocking pattern was unfamiliar so I picked up the pace a bit.
Raisin was circling madly and barking like crazy when I shuffled past to get to the peephole. "Yeah, yeah, Raizy...it's okay," I said soothingly in an effort to quiet her down, then stood on tiptoe to peek outside.
To my surprise, there on my porch stood two uniformed officers.
My heart leapt to my throat, and before I could fully comprehend what that might mean, my husband having left for work an hour or so before, I heard officer # 1 loudly say, "Animal Control!"
In that initial deer-in-the-headlights moment of panic (which was what the photo was supposed to capture, by the way), I called out rather feebly, "Ah--j-just a moment, officer."
Even FrumpMama's have some dignity, after all.
I hightailed it back to my bathroom, and in the next 20 seconds, I madly wet and wrung out a washcloth and furiously scrubbed the dried, crackly masque from my face with my right hand, while jerking hot rollers from my hair with my left hand, ala Edward Scissorhands (except for me, it was those little horseshoe clip thingies that hold the hot rollers to a person's head flying all over the place)...all the while wondering why they would be on my porch.
When I finished in what I deemed to be record time, I took one last glance in the mirror to be sure I hadn't missed a hot roller, and rushed back to answer the door, feeling a bit sheepish about the delay.
The good news? The neighbors with the incessantly barking dogs which I had recently called the city about had been cited and fined, and the dogs were remarkably quiet from that point on.
The bad news? Animal Control opted to go door-to-door through our entire neighborhood on a 'routine' check for dog licenses in order to accomplish this.
And our little pup Raisin, who had been with us nearly 6 months, hadn't yet gotten hers (bad dog owners, BAD!).
Interesting 'routine' check, that. In the 6 almost 7 years we'd been in that house, they'd never once been by for anything!
In hindsight, I suppose the Lord wanted to drive home to me that scripture about not pointing out the bark (or was that speck?) in someone else's eye when you have a dog--er, make that a log in your own. And probably also to go to the person first (Matthew 18 principle), rather than immediately going all the way to the top.
We were issued a warning and had 15 days to get the license (cha-ching).
Even worse was that this necessitated setting in motion the process of getting Raisin fixed, because the city gave a coupon at the time of licensing for a good percentage off of the procedure if it was done within a certain (short) time frame with verification.
So at the vet's office the following day for the spay consultation/doggie physical (cha-ching, cha-ching!), we learned that our bargain (free) purebred Shar-Pei puppy had a very serious problem common to wrinkle-faced dog breeds called entropion.
Which had already caused her wrinkles to push her lashes inward and worst-case-scenario could cause scratching of the cornea and eventually blindness (cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching!!).
The vet explained the logic behind taking care of both the spay and the eye lift at the same time.
I might add that I'm thankful I was the one that took her to the vet that day, because had it been the man of the house, I'm not sure the puppy would have come home with him that day.
Not to imply that my husband is heartless...he loves that dog and probably spends more time with her than I do...but as the sole breadwinner in this home, he was faced with one of those weight-of-the-world decisions: hmmm...feed the family this week and keep car #2 limping along or prevent the beloved family dog from going blind in the future? Needless to say, the dog was the least of his worries right then.
Due to the time contstraints and all, and wanting the best for all my family including the dog, I was willing to live on rice and lentils if need be to be sure our dear pup didn't go blind.
Not long after that, she underwent a hysterectomy-of-sorts and an eye-lift.
Both at the same time.
Poor Raisin. She was out of commish for a week with stitches hither and yon, and had to add to her humiliation, had to wear one of those lampshade collars.
I'm pretty sure someone must have been through a similar ordeal to have coined that phrase "Sicker than a dog".
She was pitiful.
Needless to say, my husband was not a happy camper shelling out all that money for dog-related expenses.
I won't even go into how Raisin's wound care and the nasty job of keeping her lampshade collar clean fell to me because
Which was precisely why I felt compelled to stage the picture the following day for his desktop background.
The good news is that it did garner the chuckles I had hoped for when he signed on that evening and that picture popped up at him life size.
The bad news? The family dog is the only one that will ever get cosmetic surgery around here.
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