What Would I Like For Christmas?

My husband already bought my big Christmas gift for the year.

And it's a really, really great gift, so understand that I'm not complaining.

How could I? It's the A&E Romance Collection of movies (from Costco) which among several other wonderful titles includes my all-time favorite movie ever, Pride & Prejudice, otherwise known around here as the long version.

I know this because I was there when we spotted said collection, and he and I both knew from last year's previous experience that, just like amazing finds at the dollar store, you have to strike while the iron is hot and get it right then and there or kick yourself for weeks for not getting in on that great deal while you had the chance. Because A&E's website sells these collections...for the unjustifiable price of nearly twice what Costco was selling them for.

As it happens, the one copy of this movie that our local Blockbuster rents is not only a bit scratched up, which causes an occasional digitized pause to mar our viewing pleasure, but is usually already checked out when a Pride & Prejudice emergency strikes. Besides which, with all the times I've rented that movie, we probably could have owned the entire A&E Romance Collection two times over. At the A&E website price. Clearly, it was high time we invested in our own copy, even at the cost of my knowing what I was getting for Christmas.

So I was a little surprised when he asked me what I wanted for Christmas.

Again.

In asking this, he claimed the trunk of the car was left open that day we bought it (while running a bunch of other errands), and that the hard-to-procure set of DVD's 'went missing'.

Now Jeff is a wonderful man that I dearly love, and I suppose I should be grateful he's such a horrible liar. But he actually fancies himself as being so cunning as to be able to pull off the old 'claim it's missing-then hide it-so that I'll be 'surprised' on Christmas morning' trick.

If the telltale flaring of his nostrils hadn't given him away while trying to convince me of this 'theft', then accidentally finding it while cleaning up the books (which our toddler gleefully pulled from the bedroom bookshelves) from the floor on his side of the bed would have.

The old 'under the bed' hiding place trick. How original.

He apparently thinks that all I do these days is sit around blogging and eating See's Candies Toffee-Ettes bon-bons.

What he doesn't know is that during my regular routine home maintenance, I probably look under our bed two or three times a week, usually trying to locate a missing library book that our older son left on our floor during reading time the night before, or a missing slipper, or while vacuuming.

Imagine my 'surprise' when I lifted the bed skirt two days after it's purchase, and found the movie collection under there plain as day.

I am SO onto him.

The least he could do would be to hide it somewhere that would force me to have to really look for it. Where I'd have to venture out into the garage in the cold among the spiders and the dust and actually hunt for it. Looking through things like coolers...and tool boxes...and behind things on shelves, or in a halfway empty tub (our currently unoccupied Christmas decoration tubs, for instance), or dare I even say it, wrapped up in bigger box disquised with something that rattles to try and throw me off the scent? Something a little more...convincing? Something that might even trick me into thinking the old 'flaring nostrils' reaction was, in fact, a very real need brought on by an impending sneeze?

But getting back to my quandry. Knowing the truth, do I tell him I want something small and well within our budget, or do I tell him one of the 'big' things I have on my wish list, playing along like I don't know that my beloved movie set lies just feet from where we sleep each night, and just hope that he doesn't try and impress me by getting me two 'big' gifts in one year?

Or, do I pull out all the stops and tell him about the granddaddy of all the gifts on my "Yeah, right...dream on!" wish list, so that he totally knows I'm onto him?

Because topmost on that list is something that would put our boy Ralphie's request for the Red Rider BB Gun to shame...



"I want a Dell desktop XPS 420 with Intel Quad Core Processor, 3GB memory and pre-installed Adobe software, virus and firewall protected, with wireless, high speed internet!"



But I'd settle for an upgrade to high speed internet.

Or maybe the yoga workout DVD I saw on sale at Wally World.