And Boy Was Her Face Red!

As a mom, I've always been very careful to try and discourage certain behaviors in my children lest they one day embarrass me themselves in public.

You mom's know exactly what I'm talking about.

It takes a lot of diligence to watch for and train out such undesirable and impolite behaviors as nose-picking, or scratching themselves in inappropriate places, as well as pointing at others or staring in such a way as to make the party being stared at distinctly uncomfortable.

Jeff's dad was a double amputee for the last several years of his life, and so we've paid extra attention in training our children never to stare, point or otherwise make someone with disabilities feel uncomfortable, going to the other extreme of making it a point to make eye contact, smile and show courtesy to folks who have struggles with things that the rest of us take for granted.

Nevertheless, as hard as I have worked on behaviors with my youngest son, my celebration of success was cut short by the next phase of Judah's life.

That phase in which it has become virtually impossible to control what comes out of his mouth.

Four year olds! They see, they think, they blurt out.

At some point after the Terrible Two's, all of the repressed curiosity (repressed because parents worked so hard to distract their children from certain activities lest they make huge messes or get hurt) suddenly shakes loose and comes bubbling up to the surface.

Their earlier lack of satisfied curiosity from hands-on exploration is now manifested by thoughts of, "Why?"

Millions and millions of thoughts of "Why?"

Which result in millions and millions of questions. "Why, mama? Why does da duck have da brwoken wing?" "Why do you go on da grween wight?" "Why do we have skewatens in our bodies?" "Why is da sky bwue?"

You find yourself having to stop and contemplate things you'd probably not thought of in years...at least since you were 3 or 4.

It's as though during this phase that some unseen mechanism is tripped in the small child's brain which renders even the most diligent of parents absolutely helpless to control what their child will blurt out next.

And why is it that the more embarrassing a question, the louder the voice it's asked in?

It doesn't help if you happen to have a child who is overly observant, noticing things that many other children would be completely oblivious to. "Dat man has a doggie in da store!" "Wook, mama, dat wady's haiow is hot pink!"

When these things happen in the general public, like say in Wal*mart, it's usually not so bad. You might cringe for a moment, and perhaps even apologize to the party to whom he was referring, but some of the edge is taken off of the initial embarrassment by virtue of the fact you will likely never see those people again.

It's when these things happen in smaller pockets of the community, places like doctors offices, changing rooms, a persons home or among friends and family that you cringe most, wishing for the floor to open and swallow you and your son.

Like the other day when a dear old gentleman from church met up for lunch with Judah, myself and two teen girls from church.

We were all having a great time, laughing and carrying on, when Judah spilled his drink. I went to the little area in that restaurant where napkins are kept and had just returned to the table when Judah lifted his hand, points, and says loudly enough for even the cook in the back of the restaurant to hear, "Why does Mr. 'Peer have hair grwoween in his ears?"

Mr. 'Peer and the others at the table heard this and thought it hysterically funny, and enjoyed the fact that I turned twenty shades of red.

Which happened because I'd have to see Mr. 'Peer again. It's unavoidable...he's a dear friend and he attends our church!

Judah, of course, thought he was a comedian (having garnered all those laughs) and repeats, "Ha ha...he has hair in his ears!" emphasis placed on certain words for the sake of the girls across the table, before dissolving into totally overdone laughter.

At which point I noticed that the businessmen seated behind us had also heard and were chuckling at my chagrin.

As I always do in such circumstances, I wondered what on earth would prompt such an outburst? And why was he looking at our friends ears, anyway?

My mind rolodexed through every possible thing that might have sparked such an observation...and hit upon what I think might be the culprit.

Judah recently brought home a drinking cup from AWANA with some dirt and seeds in it. We put it in the kitchen window sill, watered it every couple of days and watched with childish delight as the seeds sprouted and grew all the way out of the top of the cup.

How could I have missed the fact that he kept remarking over the fact that plants were 'grwoeen' in a cup (as opposed to in the garden)? "Why, mama? Why are da pwants grwoween in da cup?"

Now I see that he had been trying to make sense of why something that should be growing in the garden was growing in a place so odd as a drinking cup.

And somehow, his knack for never missing even the smallest detail had now picked up on yet another oddity...hair growing in unusual locations.

I fear I shall never stop cringing.

Thanks a lot, Judah. You couldn't have saved that little gem for some random old guy at Lowe's?