Eating out with a Toddler

I love my boys, and would do anything for them. It's my job. And I'm very thankful that I get to stay home with them.

But sometimes a mom just needs a break.

Yesterday I spent the entire day working on jobs around our house that needed doing before we have company this weekend, many of which were above and beyond "normal" cleaning routines. Mind you, 95% of these jobs were necessary because of Judah, the evidence of which reached to the point where he could touch if standing on tiptoe with arms extended. Sort of like high-tide markers.

From the Ovaltine dribbles on the kitchen floor (I thought those sippy-cups were leak-proof!) which blend in until you see it in just the right lighting, to the spots on the carpeting. Lots and lots of spots on the carpeting. And hand prints on the walls, kitchen cabinets and the fridge. Also the oven door. Tiny fingerprints on every conceivable surface, including couch cushions. Things that a FrumpMama doesn't always notice until looking over her home with the critical eyes of one that is due for a house full of company for Judah's 2nd Birthday Party come Sunday.

Sadly, I had fallen behind. My lack of vigilance and attention to such details were beginning to show.

So last night, when my husband got home from work looking for dinner, I informed him we were going out. An idea he's never too crazy about anymore unless it's just he and I, because invariably, Judah will want to sit with him on his side of the booth. Which means that he gets to contend with his antics throughout the entire meal. And believe me, I don't complain!

As soon as Judah was old enough to toddle, we began asking for booths in restaurants instead of tables. We learned early on that Judah screamed and wailed if put into a high chair in restaurants (and Ew, gross...the germs!), and that people began looking askance at the parents of such an annoying child, wishing that they had chosen a different place for their dinner. With a booth we could trap Judah on the inside, where at the very least he couldn't just take off running willy-nilly through the restaurant.

All of our child-rearing efforts at home go out the window the moment we set foot in a restaurant, however. Judah knows he can get by with a whole lot more in public, and tests the limits. Pushes them to the utmost. The crazy thing is, he doesn't scream around the house. Nope, he saves all that up until we're out in public or in restaurants, and then pulls out all the stops, causing us to cringe in embarrassment. And if his screams and wails don't do it, his bad behavior sure will. You'd think he had never been taught a single thing at home!

The problem is that this sort of behavior coming from our child is still relatively new to us, because big brother Jericho was always a compliant, well-behaved child. A first-time parents dream. Not to say that he didn't have his days, too, but even as a toddler, the old folks at church used to shake his hand or pat him on the head, exclaiming over what a good boy he was and then complimenting us on our parenting. No more! While Jericho always sat very obediently and quietly between us during church services as a little tyke, Judah and I spend every Sunday in the nursery. I can't even keep him in the sanctuary during the worship portion of the service anymore, because he doesn't understand "Shhhh"...or if he does, simply flat out refuses to do it.

Jericho was also a model child in restaurants. About 8 or 9 years ago, an older couple at a Red Robin restaurant once went so far as to secretly pay for our meal so impressed were they by our parenting. Apparently their faith in the common decency of the next generation was renewed.

But little brother is built of totally different stuff. Compressed film footage of him in a restaurant would show a blur of activity where he is supposed to be seated. If he's not leaning forward over the table, climbing up the back of the booth with his feet, he's trying to crawl out under the table. Or throwing things. He's either hopping or jumping on the seat, or crawling over the table to be by brother. Or spilling something.

Judah has the energy of two or three average toddlers. I've babysat some pretty rambunctious boys in my time, but this kid supersedes them all. By dinner time, his energy has been pent up from the ride in his carseat to go pick up Jericho from school, and like last night, of having driven in to the restaurant in town, and it just sort of explodes all over the place by way of bad behavior. All the kids I used to look aghast at in Jericho's classes over the years, thankful my son wasn't like that? Well, I've got one of those now.

We beg the waitstaff not to bring him crayons. Not only because he would write on everything in sight, but because those will be airborne in no time at. As it is, we have to do a complete remodel of the tables in a restaurant. Moving everything on the surface waaaay out of his reach, or the sugar packets will fly. He's also been known to slam down glass bottles of picante sauce on tables. Or suck on the communal A-1 bottle top. And crawl halfway over the wall between booths to visit the folks behind or beside us.

In the past month, we've had three really embarrassing restaurant episodes. One involved an empty individual creamer container, which when Judah was done with it, promptly crumpled it up and let it fly. Over the wall into the booth next door. I was mortified, but secretly thankful the wall hid us completely from their view. That was just one stop-off on my big shopping/errand day with him in tow, and was a precursor of things to come that day. I actually had to ask the waitress to apologize for me, as Judah had been so naughty. Meanwhile, Judah looks at me with this impish grin that says, "Wow! Did you see how far I threw that?!" Like I should be proud of his 'accomplishment'!

The second involved the guests seated behind us in a restaurant. Judah turned around, and seeing a man's back within reach, lifted up his hands, hauled off and smacked the guys back. Because, you know, that's just what you do when you see a stranger's back...behind you...in a restaurant. I cannot stress to you how quickly this transpired, because we are overly attentive where he is concerned. Jeff was right there, yet it happened like a snake-bite. Thankfully, that time, it was a good-natured father of pre-teens, who laughed and gave our rambunctious little son a high-five, apparently having enjoyed his antics.

But last night was Judah's crowning achievement. He truly saved the best for last. And I do mean last. We are not going out with him again for a long, long time!

The couple were probably in their late 70's or so, and far removed from their child-rearing years, if they ever had children at all. Both had the look of either long time childless professionals, or the very rich who shuttled their children off to boarding schools. They were also the sort that think their money is worth more than ours, too, huffing in consternation when Judah hopped and jumped on his own seat. Silly us, we thought it was a family restaurant.

Apparently loathe to make enemies and desiring to make it up to them, Judah then climbed almost all the way over into their booth. His feet were just about to disappear when Jeff grabbed him, and brought him back over. After apologizing profusely, we opted to cut our meal short, get our bill and leave. The old man was facing my direction, and across from me, Jeff was back to back with the old woman, and they were clearly not amused. Oh, well...you can't please everybody.

The worst part came while we were boxing up our leftovers in the styrofoam cartons they brought us. Judah took the bag they bring out to put the leftovers containers in, and tossed it up over the seat behind him, where it promptly sailed down and landed on the old woman's head like a new hat, and she reached up to swat at it like some pesky bird. My face paled. Jeff glanced at me, and seeing the gravity of the situation, quickly took Judah into custody.

There was much blustering over there, and the booth was just high enough that I couldn't quite hear what they were saying, but the scowl on the man's face said plenty. "Humph...parent's these days!" Or maybe it was something about having been recently hit with an individual creamer carton at another eating establishment, I'm not sure.

In any case, it was one of those moments that you want the floor to just open up and swallow you.

Instead, Jeff signed the slip, we gathered up our things and got out while the gettin' was good!

The parenting books all say that eventually we will be able to funnel these things into a positive direction in Judah's life. That one day, all these things that are so difficult for us now as parents will be turned into positives. That the Lord has somehow equipped Children now with characteristics that are just part of their makeup, and will be helpful later in life if we can just help steer him in a positive direction. Though I'm at a loss as to how to do that when nothing seems to deter him.

Which reminds me of the quote I came across again while I was cleaning house. I originally heard on FamilyLife Today Radio with Dennis Rainey. "Parenting was designed by God to drive us to our knees."

Me thinks I will be spending a whole lot more time on my knees in the future!

Striving for fab, striving for fab.