Heart Beet Pizzas - A Frumpy Valentine Tradition

I don't care much for beets.

The smell, the taste...even the name of the vegetable is unappetizing to me.

But beets are very good for you, and so I've tried several times over the years to incorporate them into our family diet.

The problem I've run up against is finding a way to sneak a bright, violet-red vegetable into foods without the kids finding them.

The first time I attempted this, was after reading in one of my health food juicing books that a beet/cucumber concoction was good for something or other, probably some symptom of an illness my (then) toddler son Jericho was dealing with at the time.

So I bought some beets and cucumbers, sent them through the juicer as directed, and poured some of the purplish juice into his sippy cup, then plugged my own nose and guzzled mine down, trying in vain not to gag at the horrendous flavor.

Jericho, who thankfully hadn't seen me drinking mine (and gagging), took a big long chug-a-lug of his before the taste fully registered, and then sprayed it all over the counter as if to say, "Disgusting!"

For months afterward, every time I gave him a drink of anything, even milk, he would sniff it and tentatively taste it, always suspicious about what I was trying to foist off on him in his sippy cup.

:: :: :: ::

So about five years later, I was reading a cookbook about early American cookery, and in it there was a recipe that sounded very interesting. Something called Red Flannel Hash, which was made of ground beef, potatoes, onions, garlic...and, yes, beets.

I must have been delirious, or suffering mom-guilt about not enough good veggies in their diets, because it sounded really good to me.

At the time, I was regularly babysitting two nephews and a niece, and always looking for exciting new meals in which to sneak in good-for-you veggies, and I was sure this one would work, as the kids had enjoyed corned beef hash the time I'd made it. Surely I could manage to hide a couple of beets.

As I recall, the recipe said to cook the beets separately from the potatoes, ground beef and onions, which were to cook in the skillet, and then you were to add chopped beets to the mixture, and heat it all up together, mingling the flavors.

Except that in my limited experience cooking beets, I was unprepared for all the violet-red dye that would splatter all over my white tile kitchen as I tried to chop the cooked beets in my food processor, which shot up through the chute, spattering all over my kitchen, making it look like a crime scene straight out of CSI.

Nor was I prepared for the way the finished product would look. Those chopped beets bled their violet-red dye all over the potatoes and onions in the skillet.

There was a reason they called this 'red flannel' hash. It was named for the color of early American red-flannel long underwear, which was worn in cold weather beneath their other clothing. A brighter, more violet-red food you've never seen, with the possible exception of red jello.

And while it tasted good (and I'm not a fan of beets), the kids all stared at their plates in horror, then up at me, asking, "We have to eat this?"

Cruel woman that I am, I made them all take at least one bite. After all, there was no back-up plan for dinner, and I had just spent an hour of my time making this meal.

They were repulsed, unable to get past the unappetizing color and appearance.

I heard gagging and wretching sounds around the table.

And ended up giving all the kids cereal instead.

My husband ate the red flannel hash, and actually enjoyed it, but drew the line at my sending leftovers in his lunch the next day.

No doubt his coworkers would have recoiled in horror, fleeing the room upon seeing the contents of his clear glass, microwavable lunch dish.

Admittedly, it did look kind of grisly.

:: :: :: ::

So anyway, it had been a few years, and for some odd reason, last year about this time I again felt compelled to revisit introducing beets into the family diet.

My aunt, who is an excellent cook and caters on the side, e-mailed this recipe to our family, saying that if we loved garlic, this would be a great snack:

Easy Garlic-Beet-Mozzarella Melts (can be made as an appetizer)

Mix plenty of fresh minced garlic (3 Tbs.) into

about a 1/2 cup of mayo (the more garlic, the better)

Spread on slices of Russian Rye Bread

Sprinkle with drained, shoestring beets

Top with mozzarella cheese, and bake until bubbly as for pizza.

My aunt got this recipe from a guy she works with who is from Russia, and according to him, this recipe is best enjoyed on slices of Dark Russian Rye bread, prepared like an open-faced sandwich, and melted in the oven like pizza. And the more garlic, the better.

It sounded yummy to me, and it had beets in it.

I decided after reading this recipe that I would go the whole nine yards, and even make a batch of Dark Russian Rye bread from scratch. I kid you not, I even ground the rye myself.

And after making the dough, I thought to myself, "Why not just make a big pizza out of it?"

So I greased the pizza pan, and spread the dough out as for pizza. And prebaked it for about 20 minutes.

The dough was dark brown, and dense and heavy, and smelled wonderful baking.

I removed the dark brown pizza crust from the oven.

And in a flash of culinary genius, I decide to save time by combining all the topping items in the food processor. In went the mayo, the garlic, the beets and mozzarella cheese.

And I barely chopped it all together.

And I spread it on the pizza crust, and slid it into the oven.

And I baked it. And the cheese melted.

And when I removed it from the oven...it was HOT PINK. On dark brown crust.

Our son Jericho thought it was some sort of dessert at first, but curled up his nose in disgust when I told him it was pizza.

"Pink Pizza?" he asked incredulously, a grossed out expression on his face.

But as generations of mothers in my family have done before me, I made him take a bite before deciding he didn't like it.

And lo and behold, it passed even his very discriminating taste test. He actually liked it.

The only drawback was the garlic. And the breath associated with garlic. And the fact that the bread dough made a tough, too-thick crust.

SOooooo, this year, I was trying to think of something pink to make for dinner on Valentine's Day. Not wanting to make an entire meal of beets and garlic, however, I opted to do a Valentine's appetizer to go with our dinner.

I bought a loaf of Marble Rye Bread, and used a cookie cutter to make heart shapes in the bread, which I topped it with the mayo mixture.

I put the beets and mozzarella cheese in the food processor and pulsed it a few times.

Then I spread that mixture on the heart shaped bread with a spoon, piling it on thick.

I then popped it in the oven at 350 for about 20 minutes, until the cheese was bubbly and hot.

Jericho remembered it.

And once again, I made him try a bite.

He ate a whole mini heart beet pizza, and went back for seconds.

Judah loved it.

And for those of you who are still with me, that is the story behind the Frump Family's unsual new Valentine's Day tradition.