Why I Don't Sleep Well These Days

This is our toddler son Judah, holding his favorite stuffed toy...a furry, green and black spider (and the ever present matchbox cars) which he carts around like other kids do their beloved blankies.

He is, for the most part, a charming, happy-go-lucky little guy.

And fearless. Not much scares him.

Not even the dark.

He frequently goes down the dark hallway into his bedroom, when the lights are off, and hunts through his toybox in the dark for whatever he is looking for.

I recently found this on the floor near my laundry room door:

The shattered remnants of the 'child proof' doorknob covers, which had with brute force been broken off removed from the door, so that our young son could go through the dark laundry room, and out into the dark garage.

And unlike other children who would scream in sheer terror at finding themselves trapped in such a dark and scary place as a garage, my son didn't seem to mind at all.

Somehow, before the door had slammed shut behind him, he'd found his way to a tub full of toys that were recently banished to the garage, and when I found him, he had already retrieved the Rescue Heroes he was looking for, and was playing with them, apparently by braille, in the dark.

Mind you, I'm afraid to go out in our garage in the dark.

Not him.

And the only thing he's scared of are monsters.

But not the big, scary type you might expect.

Nope, our little guy thinks "mon-toes" are these

and these

Yes, mascots of any kind (including Disney Characters) or car-lot 'wind dancers' have reduced him to frightened tears and death-grip clinginess on the couple of occasions when we've seen them up close.

But never dangerous or scary things like bugs and snakes.

Because he's the type of kid that will get up close to spiders on their webs and poke at them with his fingers, saying endearingly, "Look, mama...pie-dough!" and then make like he's going to pick it up and cuddle it to his chest.

I shudder to think of what he'd do if he saw a snake coiled up in our yard.

I cringe over this daredevil trait in our son, and have literally had nightmares about it.

Because we live in the desert and if one looked hard enough could find plenty of either.

He calls his favorite movie the "Thhnake Movie", which he begs for us to put in whenever he gets the chance.

It's a documentary called The Deadliest Creatures Down Under and includes dramatizations of encounters with venemous and deadly snakes, spiders and the box jellyfish. He watches this thing like other kids his age watch favorite animated Disney movies.

Yes, he loves spiders. And snakes. And snails. We don't dare give him any ideas about puppy dog tails.

But my husband wants us to keep things this way.

He read once that Samurai soldiers were--from infancy--never permitted to be purposefully scared or frightened by anything, their trainers wanting to capitalize on the inborn sense of fearlessness in them, nurturing it as they grew older, as this trait is what would make them elite and fearless warriors.

Of course, my husband is planning ahead towards our son's future football career, because in addition to fearlessness, our young son has a very high pain tolerance and a natural potential for athletics. At almost 2 1/2, he can catch the ball, throw a pretty good spiral, and has excellent aim. And if he falls or gets hurt, he just jumps right back up and keeps going, and doesn't even cry.

As the mother of this future football Samurai warrior, I shudder thinking about the future, but still feel I've done a pretty remarkable job of biting back my usual responses when I've had the occasional cricket jump out from the bottom of the laundry basket and he's been nearby, or when he's poked at spiders on their webs, or fallen hands down on the concrete while running, or touched snakes and tarantulas at the pet store.

But there is something about my sweet young son that strikes utter fear into this mothers heart.

Something that causes me to wake, heart pounding at the slightest noise each night in the darkness of our home...

Because, since upending his toy box and mastering the deadbolt on the front door, all that is preventing him from going out the front door in the middle of the night and freely meandering through the neighborhood by the light of the moon...

...is a flimsy, plastic 'child proof' doorknob cover.

And it won't be long before he remembers how he got out into the garage that time.

Oy.

I'm thinking we're going to need to invest in one of these, installed higher up the door, without his fingerprint programmed in.

And that's to get out of the house.