Hello, Poison Control? Yep. It's Us Frumps AGAIN

Uh, yeah, at the risk of sounding like the worst mother in the world, I recently had to call poison control...AGAIN.

Third time's a charm, whatever that means.

Yes, because we didn't have enough worries for Judah's life HERE and HERE, Judah decided to go and taste a sample sized bottle of daddy's cologne, and guzzle down an unknown quantity of Tom's of Maine Natural spearmint mouthwash the other day.

The kids I usually babysit were at their grandma's for the day because I was down with a humdinger of a cold.

Because mom's never get 'sick days', I'm putting dishes away in the kitchen when I realize things had gotten a little too quiet.

I called to my 3 year old, "Judah? What are you doing?"

"Nuffing" I hear him say kinda muffled from way down the hall.

It didn't sound particularly...I don't know, sincere?

I immediately went in search of him, and met Judah who rounded the corner to the kitchen just then reeking of cologne. Which I could smell strongly in spite of the whole coughing-stuffy nose thing.

"I smeow ha'some." His impish grin told me that it was clearly a diversionary tactic.

Normally, with the little dab daddy puts on him on Sunday mornings I would make over him telling him how handsome he was, but right then I was practically gagging from the overwhelming scent.

Naturally, this called for further investigation.

After seeing the spilled mini bottle of cologne on the Master bath counter, I sniffed Judah's breath. Had he poured it on, or tipped it back? I couldn't discern where the cologne smell was coming from exactly.

As a precaution, I checked a few other things in the vicinity that looked like he'd tampered with them...which was when I noticed the cap on the mouthwash was askew, my guess being that it was probably thrown on hastily the very moment I'd called to him. (I would SO love to know what went through his head as he carried out his mischief and heard me call to him.)

I scanned the mouthwash bottle, saw the warning in the usage directions that said "DO NOT SWALLOW".

Panicked, I didn't even stop to take pictures, but called Poison Control immediately.

The nice lady there asked a few questions.

"Did you smell his breath?"

"Yeb. But I hab a cold and can hardly smell anything. Except that wretched cologne, and I can't tell if it's on his neck or coming from his mouth.

She looked everything up and informed me he might have some digestive upset, but would be just fine (which, thank the Good Lord, has been their general response to most of the calls I've made over the years).

Then she asked me for my address.

And his name.

Apparently a computer check on our phone number indicated there had been, ahem, a few previous calls from our number, and it was protocol to find out which resident they were dealing with.

We're on "the list", now, I guess.

She was right though. No ill-effects.

I just had to soak Judah in the tub for a while to get that horrid cologne off of him enough to have him around me.

And wouldn't you know, not 10 minutes out of that bath, he climbed some boxes I'd stacked temporarily in his bedroom (while rearranging my bedroom furniture), and got into the top drawer of the storage unit in his bedroom and got out the diaper ointment.

And promptly smeared it all over his bedroom door.

The fun just never ends around here.

I think it may be time to renegotiate my contract to include a few sick days that don't include taking care of kids.