Car Adventures and Questions For Carseat Makers

Installing our two-and-a-half year old into his carseat in the middle rear seat of our Mercury Cougar is always an adventure.

One side benefit is that I'm getting some serious muscles from this process, because repeatedly lifting our young son in and out of his carseat several times daily is quite the arm and torso workout.

Especially while wrestling him into submission from the iron cross position lovingly buckling our compliant young son into the five-point harness.

Unfortunately, my abdominal muscles are only a three-pack, because only the left side of my body benefits from this workout, which is accomplished while leaning awkwardly into the rear seat from the front door of the car (did I mention our car was the two-door model?).

This uneven muscle-building should look especially nice in another year or so when one side of me will look like a body builder, and the other like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Why, I'll be the very picture of Stuck in Frump and Striving for Fab! Which should make shopping for clothes even more of a challenge than it already is, but that's another story for another time.

What I'd like to know is why weight-lifting belts aren't included with the purchase of every carseat?

Fast food restaurant employees are now wearing these now to empty garbage bags, so why not us moms?

Especially those of us who have had c-sections and could use a little help keeping our stuff where it belongs?



Picture this little dandy in the color of your choice, with a few tool belt pockets in front to hold extra binkys, juice boxes, snack packs of raisins, Tic-Tacs, an emergency diaper or pull-up, tissues, keys, a cell phone and the all-important Starbucks card.

Because of their width, they'd be far more slimming than the fanny packs of old.

And really, with one of these babies you couldn't go wrong because not only would you have the abdominal and back support needed for lifting toddlers into their car seats, but you could even afford to tighten them a couple of notches if so desired.

It would be a cinch (sorry, I couldn't resist), really, because by their very nature as weight-lifting belts they are capable of withstanding hundreds of pounds of pressure.

With all the crazy accessories that have sauntered down fashion runways in the past, it's a wonder the fashion industry hasn't glommed onto these by now as the girdle for a new millenium!

But I digress. What I'd really like to know is why the Automobile Safety Commission (or whoever it is that governs such things) decided to make the buttons on carseat buckles bright red?

I know for a fact there was not a mother of young children on the panel that made that decision.

How do I know this? Because any mother of a terrible-two toddler would know that bright red would only highlight to a toddler exactly which portion of the buckle to depress so as to get free.

And any mother of said toddler knows just how quickly and capably he can extricate himself from even the most child-proof restraint system once he learns to push the bright red button.

Which, for mothers of sons like mine gives me night terrors. Especially after the recent parking lot fiasco (and because he's already proven himself to be a very capable Houdini).

While waiting in the parking lot for big brother's school to let out one day last week, I had a temporary lapse in judgement, and allowed Judah out of his carseat to roam freely through the car while I oh-so-efficiently took the occasion to balance my checkbook.

There was the usual twisting and pushing of radio knobs and buttons, the opening and closing of the glove box at least twenty times, pushing of the buttons that pop open the gas tank and trunk, flipping the interior overhead lights off and on a half dozen times, adjusting the A.C. air vents and the messing with the rearview mirror.

When I finished entering my receipts, I glanced over to where Judah had sat himself down in the front passenger seat and managed to pull the lap belt proudly over himself and secure it into place. He looked so tiny in that big old seat.

I was putting my checkbook away when I heard the 'click' of the bright red seatbelt button and the telltale zip as the seatbelt rolled back up in it's dispenser.

But before I could even think of the ramifications of his new skill, Judah pulled another rabbit out of his little back of tricks, opened the passenger door and bolted outside. He was out of my reach in a split second.

Law abiding citizen that I am, I was still belted in, andas such was simultaneously praying for his safety, watching to see which direction his little golden-brown head was bobbing off to all while frantically finally locating the button by feel, at which point I jumped out of the car and gave chase.

By this time, of course, he was already several yards away, but I was already thanking the Lord that there hadn't been any moving cars in the parking lot at that moment, that he hadn't gone the other direction towards the very busy street in front of the school, and for the observant mom who saw what was happening and was heading his direction ready to intervene if need be.

It wasn't until I got him back to the car and buckled securely into his car seat that I realized it wouldn't be long before he'd make the connection between the passenger seatbelt's bright red button and the one on his car seat...and then it would all be over.

I'm afraid the authorities would frown on the use of duct tape as a secondary restraint, but short of handcuffing him to the interior of the car, what other options do I have?

Unless these are available for installation and use in vehicles now?