Uh, yeah, at the risk of sounding like the worst mother in the world, I recently had to call poison control...AGAIN.
Third time's a charm, whatever that means.
Yes, because we didn't have enough worries for Judah's life HERE and HERE, Judah decided to go and taste a sample sized bottle of daddy's cologne, and guzzle down an unknown quantity of Tom's of Maine Natural spearmint mouthwash the other day.
The kids I usually babysit were at their grandma's for the day because I was down with a humdinger of a cold.
Because mom's never get 'sick days', I'm putting dishes away in the kitchen when I realize things had gotten a little too quiet.
I called to my 3 year old, "Judah? What are you doing?"
"Nuffing" I hear him say kinda muffled from way down the hall.
It didn't sound particularly...I don't know, sincere?
I immediately went in search of him, and met Judah who rounded the corner to the kitchen just then reeking of cologne. Which I could smell strongly in spite of the whole coughing-stuffy nose thing.
"I smeow ha'some." His impish grin told me that it was clearly a diversionary tactic.
Normally, with the little dab daddy puts on him on Sunday mornings I would make over him telling him how handsome he was, but right then I was practically gagging from the overwhelming scent.
Naturally, this called for further investigation.
After seeing the spilled mini bottle of cologne on the Master bath counter, I sniffed Judah's breath. Had he poured it on, or tipped it back? I couldn't discern where the cologne smell was coming from exactly.
As a precaution, I checked a few other things in the vicinity that looked like he'd tampered with them...which was when I noticed the cap on the mouthwash was askew, my guess being that it was probably thrown on hastily the very moment I'd called to him. (I would SO love to know what went through his head as he carried out his mischief and heard me call to him.)
I scanned the mouthwash bottle, saw the warning in the usage directions that said "DO NOT SWALLOW".
Panicked, I didn't even stop to take pictures, but called Poison Control immediately.
The nice lady there asked a few questions.
"Did you smell his breath?"
"Yeb. But I hab a cold and can hardly smell anything. Except that wretched cologne, and I can't tell if it's on his neck or coming from his mouth.
She looked everything up and informed me he might have some digestive upset, but would be just fine (which, thank the Good Lord, has been their general response to most of the calls I've made over the years).
Then she asked me for my address.
And his name.
Apparently a computer check on our phone number indicated there had been, ahem, a few previous calls from our number, and it was protocol to find out which resident they were dealing with.
We're on "the list", now, I guess.
She was right though. No ill-effects.
I just had to soak Judah in the tub for a while to get that horrid cologne off of him enough to have him around me.
And wouldn't you know, not 10 minutes out of that bath, he climbed some boxes I'd stacked temporarily in his bedroom (while rearranging my bedroom furniture), and got into the top drawer of the storage unit in his bedroom and got out the diaper ointment.
And promptly smeared it all over his bedroom door.
The fun just never ends around here.
I think it may be time to renegotiate my contract to include a few sick days that don't include taking care of kids.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tricks and Treats (A Belated Halloween Posting)
Some days, our youngest son is full of vim and vinegar.
In this respect, he is like no other kid I've ever babysat or known in my lifetime.
Judah is definitely in a class all his own.
He's a very sweet and loving and even obedient boy as a general rule, but every so often he'll have a couple of days so chock-full of mischief that I can't help but to wonder where it all comes from.
Judah's last bender was, I'm quite sure, due in large part to his veins pulsing with sugar from all the goodies he'd consumed in those couple of days surrounding Halloween.
It seemed to begin the day of our big 'fall festival' event at Awana a couple of nights before Halloween.
Now Judah loves Awana. That in itself would have been enough of a highlight of his week, but when he learned we were all going to be dressing up cowboy style that night, he was positively giddy.
Looking back, I realize my first mistake was that I probably should have been more watchful over the piles of candy I was filling goodie bags with for my Awana class.
Which, incidentally, gave him not only the sugar rush but also plenty of idle time on his hands to devise and carry out his plans.
His first 'Trick' was one that puzzles me immensely.
Because of all the influences in our sons life, KISS is not one of them.
And yet, this is the second time this kid has attempted to emulate Gene Simmons.
Naturally, when a mom sees her very guilty-looking son with her eye-makeup on his eyes, she knows exactly where to go to begin her investigation.
Someone had a heyday with mom's makeup case.
What really struck fear in my heart, however, was what I found while cleaning up that mess.
Matches. Lord have mercy.
At Judah's age (3 years old), my own father was playing with matches and managed to burn his grandparents living room to the ground.
(Note to self: Put all matches and flammables under lock and key.)
Oy.
Later, I set the kids to coloring at the table so I could get some baking done. Brand new jumbo sized crayons.
When I went to put them away, I found the paper peeled off the blue crayon, and a portion of the crayon remaining which suggested that it was not broken, but had, in fact, been bitten off.
Further inspection found the same fate had occurred to the tips of the other crayons in the box, and Judah nowhere to be found.
I did find him in his room. Looking really, really guilty. That blank, "Are you talking about the crayon incident? Because I didn't touch the crayons" kind of look.
"What did you do?"
"Nuffing," he lied.
"Let me see your teeth."
Oh, sure, kid...everyone's teeth have speckles of blue, purple and green wax all over their teeth. Perfectly normal. Nuffing at all out of the ordinary here! (Thank God Crayola had the foresight to make non-toxic crayons.)
And did I mention that all of this came on the heels of another recent 'disaster' involving mom's pedicure creme? He'd even gone to the trouble of wrapping up the towel to hide the cup or so of creme that he'd squeezed from the bottle. Some had also been smeared into the bath mat.
Which begs the question: Why is it always my stuff that he gets into and never his dad's?
Oh, but he wasn't through.
Later, in the short window of time between when the girls I babysit going home and the time we had to leave for Awana, there was the whole 'let's slam the refrigerator door hard while the produce drawer (where we also keep cheese sticks) is still pulled out' trick.
Because moms just love having their brand new refrigerator drawer cracked (even if it still works) only a couple of weeks after the ice dispenser incident, which for unknown reasons has rendered our ice dispenser useless about 66% of the time.
(I worry that he plans to singlehandedly destroy our brand new refrigerator before we've even had it a full month. Where have we gone wrong, I ask you?)
We left for our Awana event in a rush, because what other way is there to leave when you've babysat all day, filled treat bags, made and frosted 2 dozen cupcakes and had to deal with such disasters?
The boys did make cute cowboys, though.
Unbelievably, when I picked Judah up from his class that night, his teachers assured me that he'd been an angel. They'd also given him a carameled apple, which I promptly confiscated, not needing him to have any. more. sugar. in his system.
Somehow, though, Judah found that apple a couple of days later and brought it to daddy with big pleading eyes. Daddy, not knowing I'd kept it up out of his reach for a reason, sliced it and let him have at it.
It shouldn't have surprised me then, when later that night Jeff took Judah on a quick trip to the grocery store to pick up a few things we needed, and while he was looking over the fruit Jeff heard a young couple chatting nearby. The man suddenly stopped to say, "Excuse me, Sir...your son!"
Jeff turned around and had to look up to find Judah.
Yes, up.
Judah had, in that split second while Jeff was bagging up the grapes, managed to scale a nearby tiered produce display of exotic fruits.
There was our smiling son, standing atop the display bouncing slightly, his hands held aloft in victory stance...so very proud of himself for having accomplished such a feat.
Yes, our little darling is one of those boys that does what every other kid thinks of doing but knows better than to actually do.
When Judah sees something that looks fun to climb, he climbs it, heedless of any consequences or possible dangers, completely neglecting the good behavior we've tried so hard to instill in him.
His chagrined father reached up and removed him from his perch, to the laughter of the young couple. "Boy, you can't turn your back on that kid for a second, can you?!"
And they were exactly right. This feat would be repeated not one week later on the shelves in the history section in Barnes & Noble.
Perhaps we should get this boy aswing set with some monkey bars a rock climbing wall to expend some of his energy and prowess on, because riding tricycles, throwing rocks on the lawn, destroying rose bushes and climbing fences around our property apparently aren't enough of a challenge for him.
(Note to self:Teach him to never climb the fences Erect a high cinderblock wall around the perimeter of the property.)
I just don't want to look out the kitchen window one day and find him parachuting off the roof with an umbrella like my mom did as a child.
(Note to self: make sure ladders are safely tucked away behind boxes and stuff in the garage.)
Or worse yet, along with his brother "flying" a soapbox derby style aeroplane out the attic window and down the sharply peaked roof of their home in Germany (like my grandma's sons-my uncles-did during their years overseas in Germany shortly after WWII). She looked up just in time to see them 'fly', no doubt muttering one of her, "God help us" emergency prayers as she ran towards them with leaden feet...and watched as they landed miraculously on the clotheslines which bowed to the ground, depositing them safely to terra firma without a scratch to be found, though I'm sure a few years were scared off my grandma's life. I never did ask, but I'm thinking after checking them over thoroughly, she probably marched all the way up the stairs to the attic and nailed that particular window shut.
(Note to self: Hide all hammers, wood and power tools, and dissuade every attempt at making 'cars' or anything else out of furniture dollies).
Oh, but Judah sure was a cute little guy in his "Twick-oh-Tweet" costume, again as a cowboy.
Big Brother didn't do a half-bad job of coming up with an original costume of his own with most of our stuff still packed up.
A quick raid of the coat closet, and he went as a sniper.
Judah had been trick-or-treating with in years past, but was never really old enough to 'get' the whole tradition.
This time, however, taking his cues from big brother, his excitement was palpable. He couldn't talk enough about "canny", and just like big brother, loves to dress up in costumes.
We were fortunate, as we had only two snafus while out trick-or-treating.
The first was his ill-mannered "Gimme some canny" comment to the first home we visited.
Uh, yeah. Apparently we'd neglected to instruct him on the proper Trick-or-Treat ettiquite before reaching for her doorbell. (I console myself with the thought that at least he had the decency to say "thank you" for the candy, and that the lady was one of those that can't resist the charm of a cowboy.)
Then there was the poor unsuspecting man who had just barely opened his door, when Judah yelled "Twick-oh-Tweet" with unbridled enthusiasm, causing the man's big old tom cat to jump up in fright and run as far into the depths of the house that he could go to get away from such intrusion.
And Judah decided to give chase (because that's what you're supposed to do with big Tom cats that look just like your Grandma's cat).
Much to the man's stupeification and mom and dad's chagrin.
So. very. awkward. Do you run in after him? Allow the man to pick him up and set him outside? Or just wait and hope he reappears in a reasonable amount of time?
We did the latter, and nabbed him when the cat galloped past the door with Judah in hot pursuit.
I know the kids enjoyed their trick-or-treating, but I must admit I wasn't at all disappointed when it began to rain, giving us a good reason to take the boys home.
Besides, inspecting the kids candy bags forour favorite candy bars razor blades, LSD tatoos, tainted gold coin choclates and other possible dangers is something the Frump household takes very seriously, and we felt the need to take care of that as soon as possible.
In this respect, he is like no other kid I've ever babysat or known in my lifetime.
Judah is definitely in a class all his own.
He's a very sweet and loving and even obedient boy as a general rule, but every so often he'll have a couple of days so chock-full of mischief that I can't help but to wonder where it all comes from.
Judah's last bender was, I'm quite sure, due in large part to his veins pulsing with sugar from all the goodies he'd consumed in those couple of days surrounding Halloween.
It seemed to begin the day of our big 'fall festival' event at Awana a couple of nights before Halloween.
Now Judah loves Awana. That in itself would have been enough of a highlight of his week, but when he learned we were all going to be dressing up cowboy style that night, he was positively giddy.
Looking back, I realize my first mistake was that I probably should have been more watchful over the piles of candy I was filling goodie bags with for my Awana class.
Which, incidentally, gave him not only the sugar rush but also plenty of idle time on his hands to devise and carry out his plans.
His first 'Trick' was one that puzzles me immensely.
Because of all the influences in our sons life, KISS is not one of them.
And yet, this is the second time this kid has attempted to emulate Gene Simmons.
Naturally, when a mom sees her very guilty-looking son with her eye-makeup on his eyes, she knows exactly where to go to begin her investigation.
Someone had a heyday with mom's makeup case.
What really struck fear in my heart, however, was what I found while cleaning up that mess.
Matches. Lord have mercy.
At Judah's age (3 years old), my own father was playing with matches and managed to burn his grandparents living room to the ground.
(Note to self: Put all matches and flammables under lock and key.)
Oy.
Later, I set the kids to coloring at the table so I could get some baking done. Brand new jumbo sized crayons.
When I went to put them away, I found the paper peeled off the blue crayon, and a portion of the crayon remaining which suggested that it was not broken, but had, in fact, been bitten off.
Further inspection found the same fate had occurred to the tips of the other crayons in the box, and Judah nowhere to be found.
I did find him in his room. Looking really, really guilty. That blank, "Are you talking about the crayon incident? Because I didn't touch the crayons" kind of look.
"What did you do?"
"Nuffing," he lied.
"Let me see your teeth."
Oh, sure, kid...everyone's teeth have speckles of blue, purple and green wax all over their teeth. Perfectly normal. Nuffing at all out of the ordinary here! (Thank God Crayola had the foresight to make non-toxic crayons.)
And did I mention that all of this came on the heels of another recent 'disaster' involving mom's pedicure creme? He'd even gone to the trouble of wrapping up the towel to hide the cup or so of creme that he'd squeezed from the bottle. Some had also been smeared into the bath mat.
Which begs the question: Why is it always my stuff that he gets into and never his dad's?
Oh, but he wasn't through.
Later, in the short window of time between when the girls I babysit going home and the time we had to leave for Awana, there was the whole 'let's slam the refrigerator door hard while the produce drawer (where we also keep cheese sticks) is still pulled out' trick.
Because moms just love having their brand new refrigerator drawer cracked (even if it still works) only a couple of weeks after the ice dispenser incident, which for unknown reasons has rendered our ice dispenser useless about 66% of the time.
(I worry that he plans to singlehandedly destroy our brand new refrigerator before we've even had it a full month. Where have we gone wrong, I ask you?)
We left for our Awana event in a rush, because what other way is there to leave when you've babysat all day, filled treat bags, made and frosted 2 dozen cupcakes and had to deal with such disasters?
The boys did make cute cowboys, though.
Unbelievably, when I picked Judah up from his class that night, his teachers assured me that he'd been an angel. They'd also given him a carameled apple, which I promptly confiscated, not needing him to have any. more. sugar. in his system.
Somehow, though, Judah found that apple a couple of days later and brought it to daddy with big pleading eyes. Daddy, not knowing I'd kept it up out of his reach for a reason, sliced it and let him have at it.
It shouldn't have surprised me then, when later that night Jeff took Judah on a quick trip to the grocery store to pick up a few things we needed, and while he was looking over the fruit Jeff heard a young couple chatting nearby. The man suddenly stopped to say, "Excuse me, Sir...your son!"
Jeff turned around and had to look up to find Judah.
Yes, up.
Judah had, in that split second while Jeff was bagging up the grapes, managed to scale a nearby tiered produce display of exotic fruits.
There was our smiling son, standing atop the display bouncing slightly, his hands held aloft in victory stance...so very proud of himself for having accomplished such a feat.
Yes, our little darling is one of those boys that does what every other kid thinks of doing but knows better than to actually do.
When Judah sees something that looks fun to climb, he climbs it, heedless of any consequences or possible dangers, completely neglecting the good behavior we've tried so hard to instill in him.
His chagrined father reached up and removed him from his perch, to the laughter of the young couple. "Boy, you can't turn your back on that kid for a second, can you?!"
And they were exactly right. This feat would be repeated not one week later on the shelves in the history section in Barnes & Noble.
Perhaps we should get this boy a
(Note to self:
I just don't want to look out the kitchen window one day and find him parachuting off the roof with an umbrella like my mom did as a child.
(Note to self: make sure ladders are safely tucked away behind boxes and stuff in the garage.)
Or worse yet, along with his brother "flying" a soapbox derby style aeroplane out the attic window and down the sharply peaked roof of their home in Germany (like my grandma's sons-my uncles-did during their years overseas in Germany shortly after WWII). She looked up just in time to see them 'fly', no doubt muttering one of her, "God help us" emergency prayers as she ran towards them with leaden feet...and watched as they landed miraculously on the clotheslines which bowed to the ground, depositing them safely to terra firma without a scratch to be found, though I'm sure a few years were scared off my grandma's life. I never did ask, but I'm thinking after checking them over thoroughly, she probably marched all the way up the stairs to the attic and nailed that particular window shut.
(Note to self: Hide all hammers, wood and power tools, and dissuade every attempt at making 'cars' or anything else out of furniture dollies).
Oh, but Judah sure was a cute little guy in his "Twick-oh-Tweet" costume, again as a cowboy.
Big Brother didn't do a half-bad job of coming up with an original costume of his own with most of our stuff still packed up.
A quick raid of the coat closet, and he went as a sniper.
Judah had been trick-or-treating with in years past, but was never really old enough to 'get' the whole tradition.
This time, however, taking his cues from big brother, his excitement was palpable. He couldn't talk enough about "canny", and just like big brother, loves to dress up in costumes.
We were fortunate, as we had only two snafus while out trick-or-treating.
The first was his ill-mannered "Gimme some canny" comment to the first home we visited.
Uh, yeah. Apparently we'd neglected to instruct him on the proper Trick-or-Treat ettiquite before reaching for her doorbell. (I console myself with the thought that at least he had the decency to say "thank you" for the candy, and that the lady was one of those that can't resist the charm of a cowboy.)
Then there was the poor unsuspecting man who had just barely opened his door, when Judah yelled "Twick-oh-Tweet" with unbridled enthusiasm, causing the man's big old tom cat to jump up in fright and run as far into the depths of the house that he could go to get away from such intrusion.
And Judah decided to give chase (because that's what you're supposed to do with big Tom cats that look just like your Grandma's cat).
Much to the man's stupeification and mom and dad's chagrin.
So. very. awkward. Do you run in after him? Allow the man to pick him up and set him outside? Or just wait and hope he reappears in a reasonable amount of time?
We did the latter, and nabbed him when the cat galloped past the door with Judah in hot pursuit.
I know the kids enjoyed their trick-or-treating, but I must admit I wasn't at all disappointed when it began to rain, giving us a good reason to take the boys home.
Besides, inspecting the kids candy bags for
Sunday, November 9, 2008
If You Buy Your Wife A House...
By Becky Frump Mamaroff
If you buy your wife a house,
she’s going to want to renovate it.
Unwittingly, you will offer to do whatever you can to help.
When she’s finished with her plans, she’ll have lists of tasks for you to do.
Lots of tasks.
Lots and lots and lots of tasks.
And when you finish those, she’ll ask you to do yet one more thing.
You’ll have to go to Lowe’s to get more paint.
She’ll want to go with you.
On the way there, she’ll remember how she wanted to decorate the guest bedroom, and will decide the room needs a ceiling fan.
While she’s in the fan department, she’ll decide that all the bedrooms need matching fans.
And when you arrive back at the house, she’ll ask your ‘handy’ friend Steve to install them all.
And then she’ll decide that all the builder’s standard gold light fixtures have got to go, and so she’ll pick out new brushed nickel light fixtures for around the house.
Which she’ll ask her husband to install, because his ‘handy’ friend Steve wisely taught him how to install them (the whole ‘teach a man to fish, he’ll eat for a lifetime’ principle).
While you’re installing the over-the-kitchen sink light, your wife will decide that the cabinets on either side need a little more…substance.
And so she’ll ask for an oak plank.
Which will require a couple unearthing the power tools from the stacks of boxes in the garage to saw, rout and drill holes.
And when she’s done with staining that plank to match the cabinets, she’ll ask you to install it.
But it can’t be done until the window treatments are up.
Instead, she'll ask you to help her trim the sliding doors with matching molding.
She will then ask you to help her hang the drapery rod.
And then the drapes.
And you will rue the day you ever bought that house, because the list of projects will seem unending, and you can't even sit on your sofas in the living room, because you can't find them behind the stacks of boxes of stuff that were moved out of the guest room to get it ready to be painted.
You will notice that one project always depends on another.
And every single project entails a trip to Lowe’s for some more hardware or other supplies.
Which she’ll ask you to ‘pick up’ on your way home from work.
When you bring it home, she’ll remember there was one other thing she needed, and will make a trip there herself while you paint the guest room.
The smell of the paint that evening will be overwhelmingly strong, and will require the bottom of the door to the room to be sealed off and all the bedroom doors at the other end of the house shut for the night if the occupants are to get any sleep at all without mom flipping out about her infuriating asthmatic condition.
And then she will want to get the trim in that room cut and installed right away because the room doubles as her studio, and she will need to begin working in there as soon as it airs out if she’s to ever get her Christmas projects underway.
Which will require borrowing an air compressor from one friend, and a nail gun from another…and another trip to Lowe’s for the proper length of nails for the overly thick trim.
And after it’s installed, she’ll want it painted right away, but that will have to wait because you don't want to tape off fresh paint.
So she will turn her attention to installing the trim throughout the living area (so that all the trim painting can be done in the same window of time while she camps out at your mom's house) but when she goes to make the measurements for the cuts, she’ll realize that the kitchen cabinet project must be finished first.
Which requires more sawing, staining and installing.
Which will require another trip to Lowe’s, whereby she will ask for even more money.
And chances are…if you give her the money, she’ll find yet another project for you to do.
You’ve been a real trouper, Jeff. Without you, we would have no beautiful new house and my Repressed Inner Decorator dreams would never have come true.
YOU DA MAN!
Love, your slightly crazed but totally jazzed-about-her-new-home wife.
If you buy your wife a house,
she’s going to want to renovate it.
Unwittingly, you will offer to do whatever you can to help.
When she’s finished with her plans, she’ll have lists of tasks for you to do.
Lots of tasks.
Lots and lots and lots of tasks.
And when you finish those, she’ll ask you to do yet one more thing.
You’ll have to go to Lowe’s to get more paint.
She’ll want to go with you.
On the way there, she’ll remember how she wanted to decorate the guest bedroom, and will decide the room needs a ceiling fan.
While she’s in the fan department, she’ll decide that all the bedrooms need matching fans.
And when you arrive back at the house, she’ll ask your ‘handy’ friend Steve to install them all.
And then she’ll decide that all the builder’s standard gold light fixtures have got to go, and so she’ll pick out new brushed nickel light fixtures for around the house.
Which she’ll ask her husband to install, because his ‘handy’ friend Steve wisely taught him how to install them (the whole ‘teach a man to fish, he’ll eat for a lifetime’ principle).
While you’re installing the over-the-kitchen sink light, your wife will decide that the cabinets on either side need a little more…substance.
And so she’ll ask for an oak plank.
Which will require a couple unearthing the power tools from the stacks of boxes in the garage to saw, rout and drill holes.
And when she’s done with staining that plank to match the cabinets, she’ll ask you to install it.
But it can’t be done until the window treatments are up.
Instead, she'll ask you to help her trim the sliding doors with matching molding.
She will then ask you to help her hang the drapery rod.
And then the drapes.
And you will rue the day you ever bought that house, because the list of projects will seem unending, and you can't even sit on your sofas in the living room, because you can't find them behind the stacks of boxes of stuff that were moved out of the guest room to get it ready to be painted.
You will notice that one project always depends on another.
And every single project entails a trip to Lowe’s for some more hardware or other supplies.
Which she’ll ask you to ‘pick up’ on your way home from work.
When you bring it home, she’ll remember there was one other thing she needed, and will make a trip there herself while you paint the guest room.
The smell of the paint that evening will be overwhelmingly strong, and will require the bottom of the door to the room to be sealed off and all the bedroom doors at the other end of the house shut for the night if the occupants are to get any sleep at all without mom flipping out about her infuriating asthmatic condition.
And then she will want to get the trim in that room cut and installed right away because the room doubles as her studio, and she will need to begin working in there as soon as it airs out if she’s to ever get her Christmas projects underway.
Which will require borrowing an air compressor from one friend, and a nail gun from another…and another trip to Lowe’s for the proper length of nails for the overly thick trim.
And after it’s installed, she’ll want it painted right away, but that will have to wait because you don't want to tape off fresh paint.
So she will turn her attention to installing the trim throughout the living area (so that all the trim painting can be done in the same window of time while she camps out at your mom's house) but when she goes to make the measurements for the cuts, she’ll realize that the kitchen cabinet project must be finished first.
Which requires more sawing, staining and installing.
Which will require another trip to Lowe’s, whereby she will ask for even more money.
And chances are…if you give her the money, she’ll find yet another project for you to do.
You’ve been a real trouper, Jeff. Without you, we would have no beautiful new house and my Repressed Inner Decorator dreams would never have come true.
YOU DA MAN!
Love, your slightly crazed but totally jazzed-about-her-new-home wife.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Randoms From Frumpville
Lately, whenever someone sneezes (which is often with all the dust in the air around here), Judah will say, "Bwess you!"
So the other day, he was out in the living area while I was back in the bedrooms, and he sneezed. Nobody was around to return the favor, and I hear him say in his sweet little toddler voice, "Bwess me!"
:: :: :: ::
A few Saturday's ago, our church had a work party to spruce things up a bit around our church campus.
During the course of the day while working on the church kitchen, I learned that there were some electrical things that were being tended to in our church building.
The following Sunday, nursery and toddler classes were canceled because something was wrong with the heater in their adjoining classroom. The kids were asked to stay with their parents in the warm sanctuary as it was an unseasonably cold day, and the classroom was chilly.
So we're sitting in the sanctuary, listening to the guest speaker while our Pastor was out of town, when suddenly the right bank of sanctuary lights blinks off.
My mind immediately shoots back to recent electrical problems in the building, and I wondered if there was something more wrong than previously thought.
During the split second I'm contemplating these things I notice some movement off to the right in my periphery.
My eyes widened.
There, stretching as far as he could reach over the back of the pew (in the back row in the sanctuary) was my toddler son, ready to try out a few more of the light switches, having enjoyed the stir that flipping the first switch caused.
Horrifed, I snatched him back, and firmly sat him on my lap, shrugging apologetically to the number of people that turned around to see what had happened, including my husband who was ushering at the side entrance.
Most people glanced back, and upon seeing who was responsible, turned around and, if the nods from family members were any indication, had no doubt whispered to them one word. "Judah."
You see, they're used to this from him.
He's quite possibly the most disruptive kid in our church's history.
When he was just a little tot, he would yell out, "AMEN!" at the end of prayers (and sometimes in the middle if it was particularly long-winded).
And then there were the offeratory envelopes that he once, for no apparent reason, tossed high into the air in the aisle, the papers fluttering to the floor like so much confetti in Times Square that first moment of the new year.
And more recently, the time he got away from Grandma (a few rows up) to come sit with us, except that when Jeff stood up to get him, he stopped and turned the other way, running up the right side of the sanctuary, around in front of the pulpit, and down the center aisle to the back door.
Our Pastor did something that time that I'd never seen him do before. Ever.
He stopped his sermon, took off his glasses and grinned. "You'll catch up to him eventually" he remarked to Jeff.
Just like those times, boy, was my face red!
I did see quite a few heaving shoulders, though. People trying very hard no to laugh outright in church (which as you know is not an easy thing to do, because everything just seems so much funnier when it happens in church, lol).
So after the 'shutting off the lights during the sermon' incident, Jeff was stopped by one of the old guys (who we thought might have found it disruptive) on his way out the door. "I LOVE that kid" he said, chuckling.
Adding to my chagrin, however, was when our Pastor returned from his trip a few days later, and the first thing he said to my husband when he saw him was, "So I heard Judah turned off the lights during the sermon."
Word sure does get around in small churches.
:: :: :: ::
Jericho is currently 21 and O for arm wrestling at his school.
He informed me that all his pull-ups are really starting to pay off.
I think it's gone to his head a bit, though. He's strutting around the house lately without a shirt on, saying, "Don't mess with me...I've got 'Guns'!", lol.
Just like his daddy, that one.
:: :: :: ::
Here is a photo looking down the hallway in our new home.
.jpg)
Yep, as you can see, there are two dark blue hand towels under our door (until such a time as we remember to get that rubbery weatherstripping from Lowe's).
Then again, maybe you can't see it. No thanks to our dog (who sleeps on the front porch) .
Yes, Raisin seems to have taken those two towels being there as a personal challenge, and spends half the night tugging on them until they're out, snuffling her jowly snout along the bottom edge of the door, her paw scrapes and bumps on the door making noises in the night that cause the hair on the back of my neck to stand on end in bed...until I remember the source of the sounds, and the fact that our LACK OF FLOORING causes such sounds to echo and carry much farther than usual.
As Judah would say, "Naughty Way-way!" (Toddler-speak for "Raisin", which he shortened to "Ray-Ray".)
:: :: :: ::
Judah was delighted to learn that he and his little friend Rachel were permitted to do this inside the house.
:: :: :: ::
Our pallet's worth of Laminate flooring waiting installation behind the sofa.
Which, with all the junk that has already been conveniently 'set' on it after just two days tells me that perhaps this would be a good place for a storage unit instead of the planned sofa table. (And from a couple of postings ago, those are the infamous forest green sofas.)
:: :: :: ::
I found a spider on our back porch a couple of days ago that I'm pretty sure was a young tarantula.
Oh, the joys of living in the desert.
I'm sorry not to have posted pictures, but I'm afraid in my freaked-out, trying-to-prevent-my toddler-from-petting it state, I didn't think to take a picture, and by the time I got done with it, well, there wasn't much left to take a picture of.
All I wanted was to see that thing dead.
It's legs were solid black and it looked much thicker and sturdier than a black widow, but it's body was fuzzy and gray and larger and hairier than, say, a wolf spider.
Definitely the shape of a young tarantula.
It was at least the size of a silver dollar, and took me three good stomps to completely kill it.
And I can't begin to describe the crunchy-rubbery grossness. **shudders**
I can only hope it didn't come from a large family still living in our yard.
:: :: :: ::
So on the way home from our weekly Bible study the other night, Jericho and I were chatting about his day at school.
We used to have our daily commute to and from his school to talk and joke around, and I've missed being able to keep up on things with him like I used to, so it's nice to have this one night a week in the car both ways to have uninterrupted mom-son time.
In the middle of our conversation, which had jumped around from topic to topic, Jericho suddenly throws out the comment, "Yeah, so we had to write statement sentences today."
"Oh?"
"I wrote, "My mom is pretty awesome..."
(His sincerity was such that I got all mushy inside and thought, "Awwwww".)
"...but sometimes she can be vicious."
"Vicious?!" I asked, appalled at the 'statement' that must have made to his teacher.
Jericho was laughing, loving my reaction. "Yeah, like the other day when you were chasing me around the house with the fly swatter."
I cocked a brow his direction, firing off a couple of those vicious mom eye-darts at him.
Because he well knew that the only reason I was chasing him with a flyswatter to begin with was that when I firmly told him to wash off an apple for his brother right then, he turned to me, and with a hint of pre-teen sass hissed like a cat.
It was either laugh my head off (and lose any modicum of authority I had) or chase him with a flyswatter until he relents and knows I mean business. Smartypants.
So the other day, he was out in the living area while I was back in the bedrooms, and he sneezed. Nobody was around to return the favor, and I hear him say in his sweet little toddler voice, "Bwess me!"
:: :: :: ::
A few Saturday's ago, our church had a work party to spruce things up a bit around our church campus.
During the course of the day while working on the church kitchen, I learned that there were some electrical things that were being tended to in our church building.
The following Sunday, nursery and toddler classes were canceled because something was wrong with the heater in their adjoining classroom. The kids were asked to stay with their parents in the warm sanctuary as it was an unseasonably cold day, and the classroom was chilly.
So we're sitting in the sanctuary, listening to the guest speaker while our Pastor was out of town, when suddenly the right bank of sanctuary lights blinks off.
My mind immediately shoots back to recent electrical problems in the building, and I wondered if there was something more wrong than previously thought.
During the split second I'm contemplating these things I notice some movement off to the right in my periphery.
My eyes widened.
There, stretching as far as he could reach over the back of the pew (in the back row in the sanctuary) was my toddler son, ready to try out a few more of the light switches, having enjoyed the stir that flipping the first switch caused.
Horrifed, I snatched him back, and firmly sat him on my lap, shrugging apologetically to the number of people that turned around to see what had happened, including my husband who was ushering at the side entrance.
Most people glanced back, and upon seeing who was responsible, turned around and, if the nods from family members were any indication, had no doubt whispered to them one word. "Judah."
You see, they're used to this from him.
He's quite possibly the most disruptive kid in our church's history.
When he was just a little tot, he would yell out, "AMEN!" at the end of prayers (and sometimes in the middle if it was particularly long-winded).
And then there were the offeratory envelopes that he once, for no apparent reason, tossed high into the air in the aisle, the papers fluttering to the floor like so much confetti in Times Square that first moment of the new year.
And more recently, the time he got away from Grandma (a few rows up) to come sit with us, except that when Jeff stood up to get him, he stopped and turned the other way, running up the right side of the sanctuary, around in front of the pulpit, and down the center aisle to the back door.
Our Pastor did something that time that I'd never seen him do before. Ever.
He stopped his sermon, took off his glasses and grinned. "You'll catch up to him eventually" he remarked to Jeff.
Just like those times, boy, was my face red!
I did see quite a few heaving shoulders, though. People trying very hard no to laugh outright in church (which as you know is not an easy thing to do, because everything just seems so much funnier when it happens in church, lol).
So after the 'shutting off the lights during the sermon' incident, Jeff was stopped by one of the old guys (who we thought might have found it disruptive) on his way out the door. "I LOVE that kid" he said, chuckling.
Adding to my chagrin, however, was when our Pastor returned from his trip a few days later, and the first thing he said to my husband when he saw him was, "So I heard Judah turned off the lights during the sermon."
Word sure does get around in small churches.
:: :: :: ::
Jericho is currently 21 and O for arm wrestling at his school.
He informed me that all his pull-ups are really starting to pay off.
I think it's gone to his head a bit, though. He's strutting around the house lately without a shirt on, saying, "Don't mess with me...I've got 'Guns'!", lol.
Just like his daddy, that one.
:: :: :: ::
Here is a photo looking down the hallway in our new home.
If you look closely, you'll notice a few key things about this work-in-progress:
- Door waiting to be re-hung (Yeah, we're pretty classy like that. Exposing all our closet innards for everyone to see when they come in the front door.)
- Fake plants and picture collage frame waiting to be hung where they belong (because as if finding time to do this with a toddler in the midst of the chaos isn't enough of a feat in itself, finding where the toddler was last playing with said hammer adds a whole new dimension to the task.)
- The 10# Beef Stew and Tomato Sauce can doorstops (What, doesn't everyone have doorstops like these?)
- the lack of flooring (because when one project on our to-do list gets bumped off course, they all do)
- the lack of baseboard trim (again, a classic case of one task waiting on another
.jpg)
Yep, as you can see, there are two dark blue hand towels under our door (until such a time as we remember to get that rubbery weatherstripping from Lowe's).
Then again, maybe you can't see it. No thanks to our dog (who sleeps on the front porch) .
Yes, Raisin seems to have taken those two towels being there as a personal challenge, and spends half the night tugging on them until they're out, snuffling her jowly snout along the bottom edge of the door, her paw scrapes and bumps on the door making noises in the night that cause the hair on the back of my neck to stand on end in bed...until I remember the source of the sounds, and the fact that our LACK OF FLOORING causes such sounds to echo and carry much farther than usual.
As Judah would say, "Naughty Way-way!" (Toddler-speak for "Raisin", which he shortened to "Ray-Ray".)
:: :: :: ::
Judah was delighted to learn that he and his little friend Rachel were permitted to do this inside the house.
:: :: :: ::
Our pallet's worth of Laminate flooring waiting installation behind the sofa.
Which, with all the junk that has already been conveniently 'set' on it after just two days tells me that perhaps this would be a good place for a storage unit instead of the planned sofa table. (And from a couple of postings ago, those are the infamous forest green sofas.)
:: :: :: ::
I found a spider on our back porch a couple of days ago that I'm pretty sure was a young tarantula.
Oh, the joys of living in the desert.
I'm sorry not to have posted pictures, but I'm afraid in my freaked-out, trying-to-prevent-my toddler-from-petting it state, I didn't think to take a picture, and by the time I got done with it, well, there wasn't much left to take a picture of.
All I wanted was to see that thing dead.
It's legs were solid black and it looked much thicker and sturdier than a black widow, but it's body was fuzzy and gray and larger and hairier than, say, a wolf spider.
Definitely the shape of a young tarantula.
It was at least the size of a silver dollar, and took me three good stomps to completely kill it.
And I can't begin to describe the crunchy-rubbery grossness. **shudders**
I can only hope it didn't come from a large family still living in our yard.
:: :: :: ::
So on the way home from our weekly Bible study the other night, Jericho and I were chatting about his day at school.
We used to have our daily commute to and from his school to talk and joke around, and I've missed being able to keep up on things with him like I used to, so it's nice to have this one night a week in the car both ways to have uninterrupted mom-son time.
In the middle of our conversation, which had jumped around from topic to topic, Jericho suddenly throws out the comment, "Yeah, so we had to write statement sentences today."
"Oh?"
"I wrote, "My mom is pretty awesome..."
(His sincerity was such that I got all mushy inside and thought, "Awwwww".)
"...but sometimes she can be vicious."
"Vicious?!" I asked, appalled at the 'statement' that must have made to his teacher.
Jericho was laughing, loving my reaction. "Yeah, like the other day when you were chasing me around the house with the fly swatter."
I cocked a brow his direction, firing off a couple of those vicious mom eye-darts at him.
Because he well knew that the only reason I was chasing him with a flyswatter to begin with was that when I firmly told him to wash off an apple for his brother right then, he turned to me, and with a hint of pre-teen sass hissed like a cat.
It was either laugh my head off (and lose any modicum of authority I had) or chase him with a flyswatter until he relents and knows I mean business. Smartypants.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Evidence of Toddler Crimes
So we took delivery of our appliances a week or so ago.
I totally love them. Stainless goes great with my new kitchen colors.
The only downside is that every. single. fingerprint shows up...both on the stainless portion, and the black plastic ice/water dispenser in the door of the fridge.
I must wipe that entire thing off two or three times a day, and probably willuntil I get Judah trained to stay out of the fridge for as long as we own stainless appliances.
No sooner did we get the fridge hooked up and stocked, than the fancy-schmancy new in-door ice dispenser decides to quit working.
It made a straining sound in the motorworks when the button was depressed.
Our family seems to have bad luck with ice-dispensers this way.
However, this time, due to the fact that we had nothing yet stocked in the freezer, we knew there was no chance of it being pizza or corn.
Wouldn't you just know we'd opted against the full warranty?
On a side note, this planned obsolescence thing on the part of appliance manufacturers is going a bit far! With companies trying to appear 'green', why has nobody begun pointing fingers at appliance makers that used to build appliances that lasted for 30+ years relatively trouble-free, but now last only 5 years or so (if that), ending up in the landfills much sooner and requiring more resources than ever? What difference does it make if we're 'saving the ozone' with better refrigeration technology if we're filling up the landfills 6 times faster than we should be? How is that green, I ask?
Ahem. **stepping down off soapbox**
Meanwhile, wanting to take advantage of our limited warranty if need be, our resident detective Jeff decided to take a closer look at things.
Wondering if ice had somehow jammed the works, he took out the ice tray and tested the corkscrew mechanism that moves the ice to the dispenser chute.
Everything was in perfect order.
He slid the tray back in, closed the door and tried again.
The straining motor sound continued.
He then opened the door and poked down through auto-close seal on the chute (to keep the cold air in the freezer after the ice is dispensed)... and promptly discovered the problem.
Yes, apparently apples shoved up inside the dispenser chute can completely disable an ice dispenser. Who knew?
The forensic evidence at the scene of the crime clearly pointed to one particular member of our family.
Unbelievably, fingerprints on the stainless finish are good for something, lol.
We asked Judah if he had put his apple there.
He grinned cheekily in admittance.
To him, that round dispenser hole was a perfectly logical place to stick an apple.
The one he'd taken only a couple of toddler-sized bites out of and wanted to hide from mom and dad.
Is it just me, or does something about this little tale seem vaguely familiar?
Something about eating an apple then trying to hide evidence of their sin...Oh, yes. Adam and Eve!
I totally love them. Stainless goes great with my new kitchen colors.
The only downside is that every. single. fingerprint shows up...both on the stainless portion, and the black plastic ice/water dispenser in the door of the fridge.
I must wipe that entire thing off two or three times a day, and probably will
No sooner did we get the fridge hooked up and stocked, than the fancy-schmancy new in-door ice dispenser decides to quit working.
It made a straining sound in the motorworks when the button was depressed.
Our family seems to have bad luck with ice-dispensers this way.
However, this time, due to the fact that we had nothing yet stocked in the freezer, we knew there was no chance of it being pizza or corn.
Wouldn't you just know we'd opted against the full warranty?
On a side note, this planned obsolescence thing on the part of appliance manufacturers is going a bit far! With companies trying to appear 'green', why has nobody begun pointing fingers at appliance makers that used to build appliances that lasted for 30+ years relatively trouble-free, but now last only 5 years or so (if that), ending up in the landfills much sooner and requiring more resources than ever? What difference does it make if we're 'saving the ozone' with better refrigeration technology if we're filling up the landfills 6 times faster than we should be? How is that green, I ask?
Ahem. **stepping down off soapbox**
Meanwhile, wanting to take advantage of our limited warranty if need be, our resident detective Jeff decided to take a closer look at things.
Wondering if ice had somehow jammed the works, he took out the ice tray and tested the corkscrew mechanism that moves the ice to the dispenser chute.
Everything was in perfect order.
He slid the tray back in, closed the door and tried again.
The straining motor sound continued.
He then opened the door and poked down through auto-close seal on the chute (to keep the cold air in the freezer after the ice is dispensed)... and promptly discovered the problem.
Yes, apparently apples shoved up inside the dispenser chute can completely disable an ice dispenser. Who knew?
The forensic evidence at the scene of the crime clearly pointed to one particular member of our family.
Unbelievably, fingerprints on the stainless finish are good for something, lol.
We asked Judah if he had put his apple there.
He grinned cheekily in admittance.
To him, that round dispenser hole was a perfectly logical place to stick an apple.
The one he'd taken only a couple of toddler-sized bites out of and wanted to hide from mom and dad.
Is it just me, or does something about this little tale seem vaguely familiar?
Something about eating an apple then trying to hide evidence of their sin...Oh, yes. Adam and Eve!
"...and you may be sure that your sin will find you out." ~Numbers 32:23b
Saturday, October 25, 2008
A Birthday Shoutout To My Mom
I know she probably won't like it, but I totally love this snapshot of my mom (and sister, which was obviously taken at my sister's wedding a couple of summers ago).
I only hope I look as good as my mom does when I get as old as she is.
Er, I mean, when I reach her age.
Ugh! This just isn't coming out right.
What I meant was that I hope I age as gracefully as she has when I
Oh, wait. I've been doing that for several years already.
Anyway, you know what I mean, mom.
Love you...and Happy Birthday!
P.S. If you don't like the photo then you'll just need to come visit us so that we can get some more to work with. (;
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
My Temporary Blogging Station
A little peek at my work-in-progress kitchen.
However, necessity dictates that blogging from this position must be, until this weeks-into-months project is finally complete and blogging can resume from my desk in the guest room.
This is the counter from whence I blog.
Yep, that's pink tile. It came with the house.
Seeing as granite was not in our budget, and ripping out counters and a backsplash that were in perfectly good condition seemed excessively wasteful, I decided instead to just incorporate the salmon mousse pink color into my decor.
It adds a feminine touch to the kitchen, I must say.
And without the use of doilies or lace, so Jeff's happy.
As for the counter, it's quite high for blogging.
I don't have barstools yet (and the area below the counter is not yet finished), and so I sit on a chair.
Trouble is, when I blog, I kind of feel like this (except without the tattoos):
How biker types can ride those things for any length of time without their arms going numb from lack of circulation is beyond me. My arms are tired.
However, necessity dictates that blogging from this position must be, until this weeks-into-months project is finally complete and blogging can resume from my desk in the guest room.
I can hardly wait! The laminate flooring goes in this weekend!
Oh, and I DID finally find my camera bag. It was a sweet reunion. Oh how I've missed you, my Fuji Finepix!
We've been making up for lost time bustling around the house taking pictures of the progress.
Renovation results postings coming soon!
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